


our story went a little like this.

by midnight_files



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fluff, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!, Idk Kai's kinda dumb but it's cute, M/M, Pining, Romantic Comedy, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, super lame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:08:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 24,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25275937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnight_files/pseuds/midnight_files
Summary: the hardest part about entering university, kai decides, is a 187cm boy with a devastating dimpled smile.
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Choi Yeonjun, Choi Soobin/Huening Kai
Comments: 26
Kudos: 213





	our story went a little like this.

**Author's Note:**

> shoutout to jei for being my muse. c:

_‘It’ll be fun!’_ is the claim Beomgyu gives Kai regarding university once he learns that the younger is enrolling in the one he currently studies at. Kai is, as always, skeptical of what Beomgyu says because the last time Beomgyu had said something was ‘fun’, Kai had lost his _soul_ on a rollercoaster ride.

There’s so many things about university that scares him. First of all, Beomgyu is the _only_ person he knows and Kai is beyond stressed that he’ll _only_ have him to rely on. Second of all, university is linked to ‘growing up’ and Kai hates that. If he could, he’d choose to remain a kid forever because even though being away from his parents is liberating, Kai and responsibilities don’t go well together.

Lastly, and most importantly, Kai’s heard about ‘making it’ or ‘breaking it’ when it comes to reputation. There is nothing remotely cool about Kai. Sure, he can make a few jokes and maybe play a few games on the phone, but when it comes to University-Level-Cool? Null. Zero. Empty. University is all about making out, drinking, going to parties, and Kai Kamal Huening hasn’t even had his first _kiss._

So yeah, he’s fucking terrified.

When Kai musters enough courage to leave his dorm for the first day of classes, he immediately texts Beomgyu so that people won’t try to strike up awkward conversations with him. Beomgyu, who is always up all night gaming, doesn’t respond. “Choi Beomgyu, you little piece of _shit._ When I get my hands on you—”

“Who are you talking to?” The whisper by Kai’s ear elicits a shrilling cry from him and he jolts up, accidentally hitting the stranger’s chin with his shoulder. Kai _would_ feel bad, but honestly? The guy deserves it!

“What the hell?” Kai asks, taking two steps back and scrutinizing the male rubbing at his chin. He’s slouching, black hair combed, but not styled; his fringe is falling over his eyes and his dimples are deep, even if he isn’t smiling.

“You were hunched over muttering to yourself like the old witch from snow white,” the _weirdo_ responds, standing up straight and looking down—looking _down_ at Kai with amusement. “I thought it’d be fun to tease you.”

“By invading my privacy?” Kai retaliates in disbelief, gaping at the _audacity_ of the boy (man?) in front of him. Kai’s eyes narrow into a lethal glare after he hears a laugh. “What’s funny?”

“Nothing,” is the response he gets. “You’re just even cuter up close.”

Thank the Heavens that his phone starts ringing because Kai’s not sure how he would’ve responded. He glances down at the screen that reads ‘Narcissistic Idiot’ and then does his best to feign disappointment. “Oops, gotta take this. Sorry, man.”

The tall stranger raises his hands as if to say ‘Go ahead’. “I’ll catch you later then.” And with that, he turns on his heel and leaves.

Kai stares blankly at the retreating figure before sliding ‘answer’ on his phone. “Beomgyu,” he hisses with all of his pent up frustration. He gets a lazy, noncommittal groan in response. “Where the _hell_ are you? It’s my first day!”

“I overslept,” Beomgyu states the obvious and Kai wishes he could reach through the screen and strangle him. “Why do you sound so worked up?”

“Because,” Kai squeaks, glancing around to make sure nobody is close enough to hear him before continuing in a whisper. “A creep just approached me!”

“A creep?” Beomgyu snorts, shuffling around in bed obnoxiously to make it known that he wasn’t planning on leaving his room anytime soon to save Kai. “Can you describe what this said ‘creep’ did?”

“He was snooping in on me! Looming over me and practically _breathing_ on my _neck_ with no warning whatsoever.” Kai shudders at the memory, reaching up with his free hand to clamp over the area where the stranger’s lips had almost touched. “And he said I was even cuter _up close!_ That implies he was staring at me from afar too!”

“You didn’t warn me about people like this,” Kai accuses when he hears Beomgyu let out a loud laugh. While Beomgyu catches his breath, Kai begins to navigate through the hallways to locate his first classroom.

“Well if he thinks you’re cute, he’s definitely got a problem.” Kai rolls his eyes at that. He was definitely beating Beomgyu up later. “What did he look like, anyways?”

“Um,” Kai lets out a puff of air, scrambling his thoughts together. He really can’t multitask. “Lanky, dark hair, really round cheeks—oh and tall. Taller than me.”

_Bingo!_ Room 212C. Kai’s about 5 minutes early to class, so he deems he can loiter in the hallway for a while longer and humor his sorry excuse of a best friend.

“Taller than _you?_ Are you sure?” Beomgyu inquires seriously and Kai hums. “Did he by chance have these hard-to-miss dimples?” Kai pales at that. How did Beomgyu know? And why did he sound like Kai had just killed his pet parrot?

“Yes,” Kai drawls out, suddenly standing up straight from fear. “Why? Is he dangerous?”

Then, Beomgyu lets out a laugh that has Kai flinching and removing his phone from his ear because God _fuck_ was Beomgyu loud sometimes. He’s not sure why his life-or-death situation is so hilarious to Beomgyu so he presses on. “What? Are you gonna tell me about this weirdo or am I gonna have to find out after he uses his freakishly long limbs to trap and _kill_ me?”

“Hey, don’t talk about him like that! That’s my friend,” Beomgyu reprimands and then Kai stills. “Choi Soobin, a 4th year. He’s cool, I swear.”

That name rings a few bells. Kai has terrible memory—one that could rival that of a goldfish—but he vaguely recalls Beomgyu mentioning him in his many “I’m in university and you aren’t” stories from last year.

“Well, maybe not _cool,_ but he’s harmless. Like a rabbit,” Beomgyu finalizes and Kai begins to walk into the lecture hall, heading towards the back out of habit. “He just doesn’t know how to flirt. Thank you for telling me this, by the way. I’ll never let him live it down.”

Kai winces at that, feeling somewhat apologetic because Beomgyu’s teasing was relentless and he’d just unknowingly signed Soobin up for that. (Even though he somewhat _deserved_ it. Creep.) The professor walks in a beat after Kai sits down and he hastily hangs up on Beomgyu, not wanting to leave a bad first impression.

“Didn’t think later would be so soon,” a voice pipes up a few minutes later and Kai freezes, slowly tilting his head up while harboring what he believes is quite the comical expression. Soobin smiles at him; it’s friendly, _too_ friendly. Kai doesn’t trust it.

“You’re in my seat,” Soobin lightly kicks at a leg of Kai’s chair. It’s meant to be playful, but Kai is not in the mood to joke around with a—and he’ll say this for days and days to come—creep.

Kai pretends to examine the seat and then pouts. “Huh, that’s weird.” Soobin tilts his head in confusion and then Kai shrugs, “I don’t see your name on it.” Then, with a sarcastic scoff, he pulls his notebook out and gets ready to mentally put the other boy on mute.

Soobin doesn’t make it easy to zone him out though, promptly sitting next to Kai. “You’re even cuter when you’re being mean. Maybe it’s because I picture a hissing kitten,” Soobin laughs. Kai faces him again, mouth agape because he’s not sure if he should feel flattered or insulted.

In the end, Kai has nothing to say, so he opts for snapping his fingers and making lame guns with them before turning his attention back to the professor.

Fate is so fucked up.

* * *

Soobin, Kai learns, _hates_ statistics. Or maths, in general, because he wastes no time on berating the subject. “Why do calculators exist if we have to do this all by hand anyways?” Soobin grunts when they’re working on the set of problems that the professor has assigned them.

He’s also, however, crazy smart. By the time Kai has finished the first problem, Soobin has completed the entire set and is leaning back in his chair, fighting sleep. Kai peers over at the older boy’s answers, trying to understand just _what_ exactly is going on. Plus, what kind of a professor gives work on the first day of classes?

“Need help?” Soobin’s a bit _too_ eager to offer and it shows in his change of tone and how his eyes practically sparkle as Kai glances up at him. Okay, so maybe he’s a _little_ cute. He’s still creepy though, no matter what Beomgyu says.

“I’ve got it,” Kai lies, fixating on his notebook again and pressing his pen down on the paper as if he’s going to write something. He halts, absolutely clueless once more. “But if you’re offering, that’s cool,” Kai coughs nervously, hating the way he’s practically digging his own grave at this point.

“Cool,” Soobin repeats with a chuckle, leaning in close until Kai can feel his breath fan over his skin again. This is weird, Kai thinks to himself, but it’s not as unsettling as before. 

He has to stop his train of thoughts from straying too far, however, because Soobin is trying his best to diligently tutor him and Kai would be a dick not to listen.

* * *

“What’s he playing at?” Kai grunts, taking another bite out of his apple. Beomgyu’s sitting next to him on the bleachers, devouring the lunch Kai has bought him as if he’s a starved man. “He’s suspicious. What if he wants something? Maybe he’s trying to—to cheat off me! That’s it!”

“Cheat off you?” Beomgyu dabs the corners of his mouth with his napkin. “From what I gathered, it seems more likely to be the other way around.”

“Shut up,” Kai scowls, indirectly admitting defeat. What else could it be though? There is no way someone is this persistent in getting to know someone—in getting to know him, specifically—without a secret motive. “He’s a weirdo. No offense to your friendship or whatever.”

“He’s weird and yet you keep talking about him,” Beomgyu notes, which earns him a slap on the thigh. Kai might not look it, since he’s built like a 3d stickman, but he’s considerably strong. Only when it comes to hitting Beomgyu for his irritating commentary. “Ouch. If I were you I’d be a lot nicer to me, considering he’s coming here to pick up something he forgot at my dorm last week. I could just leave it with you and skedaddle, you know.”

‘You wouldn’t dare,’ reads Kai’s facial expression and Beomgyu responds with a quirk of his eyebrows, saying ‘try me’. “Fine,” Kai concedes, mumbling a half-assed apology to appease Beomgyu as they clean up their stuff.

“Only because I can’t _stand_ the thought of being alone with—”

“Speak of the devil,” Beomgyu chirps, waving his arm in the air enthusiastically and Kai stiffens when he sees Soobin wave back. The ground should operate in a way such that the person standing on it should be able to order it to _swallow them_ _whole_ if so desired. At least that’s what Kai thinks as he grimaces and waves a little _too_ forcefully. If Soobin notices, he doesn’t say anything.

“Can’t believe it took you that long to come get your prized possession,” Beomgyu swings what seems like a coupon card in the air. “You know, I could’ve just redeemed this myself.”

“You still have to purchase something 4 more times before you can redeem it,” Soobin says matter-of-factly, easily plucking the object out of Beomgyu’s grasp and sliding it into his wallet. Then, he rolls his eyes and flicks Beomgyu square on the forehead. “Besides, you don’t even like baked goods.”

“Stop being mean to me,” comes Beomgyu’s childish response, pushing his lower lip out. He turns towards Kai, looping his arms around the younger boy’s right one. “Tell him to stop being mean to me, Hyuka.”

With the hand not held captive, Kai pries Beomgyu off of him with a disgusted look. “Don’t ever pout at me again, weirdo.”

“Huh, where have I heard _that_ nickname before,” Beomgyu raises an eyebrow challengingly and Kai back pedals. Hard.

“Uh yeah, stop being mean to him though,” Kai says way too quickly, sparing Soobin the quickest of glances. Soobin looks like he’s about to burst out laughing and Kai doesn’t have to check a mirror to know his cheeks are flaming red right now. Why? He’s not exactly sure. Nonetheless, he hates it.

“Alright, alright,” one of Soobin’s hands reaches out, fingers tickling the underside of Beomgyu’s chin. Beomgyu looks conflicted, half appalled and half enjoying the attention. “Just because he said so.”

“Gay,” Beomgyu swats Soobin’s hand away and then gives Soobin a pointed look, but Soobin doesn’t even make an attempt to defend himself. “Disgusting,” Beomgyu follows up when Soobin simply smirks at him.

After a few more awkward exchanges, Soobin excuses himself from the conversation and once he’s a reasonable distance away, Kai releases the breath he hadn’t known he was holding in. Beomgyu sneers at that, rolling his eyes at Kai’s dramatics as if he’s any better.

“What?” Kai asks, squinting at the accusatory glance that Beomgyu’s giving him. If they weren’t so close, Beomgyu might’ve been buried 10 ft under in a casket by now.

The wind whistles, as taunting as the lopsided smirk that creeps onto Beomgyu’s lips, and Kai feels his left eye twitch. In the background, Kai can hear the high-pitched giggles of the upperclassmen girls and the howling of the jocks, almost exactly like a scene from a coming of age movie. If he listens close enough, he can probably pick up on bits and pieces of their conversation, but he’s too focused on Beomgyu.

Beomgyu’s fringe threatens to poke his eyes, the breeze having been unkind to his hair, but he doesn’t seem the least bit bothered by it. “Do you think he’s cute?” Beomgyu asks, out of the blue, and Kai wants to ask what he’s up to _this_ time.

However, he can’t. Not when Soobin’s annoying face pops up in his brain as soon as the question falls from Beomgyu’s lips. Stupid Soobin. Stupid Soobin with his stupid smile and his stupid dimples and his stupid, stupid eyes that look like they hold the entire night sky in them. “He’s not bad. Objectively speaking.”

Beomgyu does that _thing_ again. That thing where he purses his lips into this eerie smile, trying his best to contain his satisfaction but failing miserably. “Just spit it out,” Kai heaves a sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“I didn’t say a name,” Beomgyu pauses, probably to watch Kai’s body go rigid. “So that means, whoever just popped up in your head right now—you think they’re cute. 20 bucks says it’s Soobin.”

The alarm on his watch goes off, signalling that Kai has to start making his way to his next class and he shoots up, eager to leave the vicinity. He’s got an _exciting_ rhetoric lecture to attend and no time to deal with Beomgyu’s antics. Who does Beomgyu think he is anyways? Some sort of fetus love guru?

Kai slaps the 20 dollar bill into Beomgyu’s palm and stomps away.

* * *

The next day, Kai makes sure to sit in the same seat out of spite. He even gets there 5 minutes early just to make sure he beats Soobin to it. It earns him a weird glance from his instructor, who probably thinks he’s strange for being seemingly enthusiastic about learning statistics. Everyone else files in on the mark or a few minutes after and Kai smiles tightly at Soobin when the boy approaches him.

“Aw,” Soobin whines, plopping himself down next to Kai. Kai feels smug, _really_ smug. Smug enough to maybe even brag a little; push back his seat, kick up his feet, and relax. Before he can make any (stupid) decisions, however, their professor clears his throat loudly to catch the classroom’s attention.

It reminds Kai that he’s no longer in the playground of his middle school, trying to one up another person’s “your mom” jokes, but in a college setting. He’s supposed to be a responsible, mature 19 year old. 

“Slowpoke,” Kai coughs into his hand, earning him a light scoff of disbelief from his target.

The lecture feels twice as boring today. Kai’s not sure if it’s because the radiator’s warmth makes him lethargic or because statistics is just _not_ his favorite cup of tea. Regardless, his eyelids feel heavier and heavier and everything the lecturer says goes in one ear and immediately out the other.

By the time class is over, Kai is 15 minutes deep into a murder mystery that his subconcious mind has plotted. A girl went missing on her way home and was found in a shack, where a giant, muscular man donning a mask was swinging his axe. It was up to Kai, and his unnamed sidekick, to jump in and apprehend the culprit.

The two of them break into the hut, armed with nothing but a pistol. His partner offers to bait out the masked man while Kai hides behind some boxes, waiting to get the perfect shot. The abductor’s thunderous footsteps grow closer and closer, but when Kai whips out from the shadows, he’s roughly tossed aside. Paling with nerves, Kai tries to think of the best strategy he can use to get out of this sticky situation safely. The man opens his mouth, “Unbelievable.”

Kai blinks. _What?_ That voice did not match the deranged face, body, _demeanor._ It was too soft, too calm, too collected. “Get up,” his attacker orders and Kai scrambles to his feet. Baffled, he looks up at the nearly 8ft tall man who slowly shrinks and shrinks and shrinks and… 

Kai snaps awake, immediately coming face to face with the same person he’d last seen in his dreams. “Huh? What?” He’s too gone to grasp what’s happening, until he realizes him and Soobin are the only two students still seated. Everyone else is rushing to leave the room.

“Fuck!” Kai glances at his workspace, scrambling to look for the worksheet due at the end of class. He was _so screwed._ It was only the second day of classes and he’d already managed to slack off. At this point, it wouldn’t hurt to circle _anything,_ right? There’s a 25% chance of guessing the right answer for each question and out of 10, he was bound to get at least _one_ correct.

“I gave it in for you already,” Soobin announces, standing up and just _staying_ there as if he’s waiting for Kai to walk with him. “Why would you do that? I didn’t finish!” Kai throws his hands in the air. Just _who_ does Soobin think he is?

“I know,” Soobin states, tucking his pen behind his ear. “I filled it out for you while you were snoring and mumbling something about—and I quote—‘Autobot O’Eight One Four, rolling out’.” Soobin offers his hand for Kai to take and Kai stares at him for a good, long minute. Then he grabs his bag and holds onto the limb outstretched to him.

Soobin’s impression of him is horrible, just for the record.

* * *

“Well, this is a pleasant surprise,” Soobin comments with a raised eyebrow, slipping behind Kai’s chair and making his way to the seat Kai would’ve normally occupied. Kai doesn’t say anything in response, pretending to be too engrossed in revising his homework.

People shuffle into the hall and Kai hears Soobin snort when the senior realises that Kai is ignoring him. Kai can’t help it. He’d given Soobin his oh-so-precious seat as a ‘thank you’ for saving his grade the other day (and also because he was beginning to feel kind of bad). However, Soobin wasn’t on his good side just _yet._ After all, he _did_ give Kai the fright of his life.

Soobin leans over while Kai is finishing up his internal monologue and flips the page that’s open in Kai’s notebook. “You were on the wrong page, in case you didn’t notice.”

Kai loathes himself.

* * *

The entire month progresses similarly.

First, Kai’s roommate, Taehyun, will haul him out of his bed so he’s not late to class. Then, Kai will start the day with Soobin fawning over him while he’s busy pulling his own hair out from statistics. Afterwards, they’ll eat lunch together with Beomgyu and Beomgyu’s new boytoy, Yeonjun. Finally, Kai will head to his dorm room and spend the night doing a mix of the following: gaming, homework, watching netflix, and texting Soobin.

Soobin’s still a little weird, but Kai can say that more fondly now. Sure, he’s not used to someone following him around wherever he goes with eyes that look like they’ll pop out of their sockets from the amount of ‘love’ they contain, but he’s getting used to it. He’ll never admit that aloud though.

“The club fair is today,” Beomgyu speaks up when they’re silently munching away at their meals. The sun’s beating down heavily on them and Kai has to, quite literally, block Yeonjun from his sight because his _neon_ yellow hair is blinding. “What’re you thinking of joining?”

Kai hums in thought, mulling over the choices he already has listed down. He’s got a variety of options to choose from, mostly due to his own indecisiveness, but nothing strikes him as ‘the one’. “I’m not too sure. Suggestions?”

“Don’t you like playing instruments? Why not join the band? Or the music club?” Yeonjun asks, covering his mouth with his hand so that he doesn’t spray bits of his food in everyone’s faces. “Beomgyu was in it for a solid month, if I recall correctly.”

“Only a month?” Kai inquires, turning to face Beomgyu for an explanation. Beomgyu holds up a finger, signalling them to wait while he takes a big bite from his sandwich. Kai scoffs, but says nothing of it.

Finally, after Beomgyu’s done safely consuming the piece, he answers. “It was nice, but I was too busy. Also, there was this girl,” and then Beomgyu pauses to shudder. Yeonjun rolls his eyes and pinches Beomgyu’s cheek in an affectionate manner which has Kai recoiling. “She was obsessed with me.”

“Okaaaay,” he states, tearing his gaze away before Beomgyu and Yeonjun start arguing with kisses. “That’s enough.” Beomgyu mocks him, but Kai pays no mind. He would rather have Beomgyu give him some attitude than watch him and Yeonjun eat each other’s faces off.

“Just pick one that you think will be fun,” Soobin suggests, shrugging nonchalantly. Kai waits for him to elaborate, perhaps even mention what club he’s currently in, but it doesn’t come. He also would rather perish than be caught showing interest in the older so he doesn’t press.

“I can go with you if you want.” There it is. Kai shakes his head vehemently at the offer, almost choking on his food. Soobin tilts his head curiously and Kai flashes him a pained smile, punching his chest once to clear his air pipes.

“I’m alright,” Kai manages to say, waving his hand in the air dismissively. A noise bubbles from Soobin’s throat, sounding like a protest, so Kai repeats his statement a bit more firmly. “Thanks, but yeah. I’ll go by myself.”

On second hand thought, having company wouldn’t have been so bad, but he’s not used to reaching out. Especially not to Soobin, who seems to always be there for him without him having to ask.

Shoving his empty container into the trash can, Kai stretches out his arms and emits a yawn. However, his yawn morphs into a yelp because he gets tugged one way and then aims a glare at the perpetrator. “Soobin, you have to stop doing that,” Kai grunts, reaching down to pry Soobin’s hand from his waist.

“You were in the way,” Soobin replies unphased, gesturing at the line where Kai had once stood. His hand reaches for his handkerchief, tucked in his pocket, and then he dabs at the corners of Kai’s lips. It’s too doting and Kai would probably have twisted his arm, had it been anyone else. “There, all tidy.”

Kai can only sigh helplessly, patting Soobin’s stomach to silently express his gratitude. “Let’s get to class,” Kai mutters, making his way towards the hall. Soobin is next to him in a split second and his arm slings comfortably around Kai’s shoulders.

Kai tries his best not to think about the hiccup in his heartbeat.

* * *

“And you’re absolutely certain you’ll be fine?” Soobin’s voice is laced with concern, fingers reaching out to brush away Kai’s fringe. Kai stands still, allowing the older boy to do as he pleases because he’s gotten used to this by now.

“I’m positive,” he states, ushering Soobin away once he’s done. “Go enjoy the fair for yourself too, Soobin.”

Kai hears Soobin remind him about formalities for the umpteenth time that day and Kai huffs out a _‘hyung’_ to satisfy him before shifting through the crowds himself.

Now that he’s by himself, though, Kai realizes that he’s got no sense of direction. He’s lost. He had been too enraptured by the idea of proving to Soobin that _no,_ he was _not_ a baby, that he had completely forgotten to pick up one of the handy dandy fliers volunteers had been passing around. (Speaking of volunteers, they really should color code their outfits, wear an armband, slap a sticker on their forehead that says ‘Come Here If You’re Lost’, or do anything to make themselves easier to find.)

After a few seconds of turning his head left and right, Kai decides with a slouched back and a headache from his own stupidity that he’ll just ‘go with the flow’. Besides, he’s in the performance department so that means his interest is already piqued. Things shouldn’t go _too_ bad.

The first door he stops by happens to be the drama club. Kai’s a little put off by the European wigs fitted onto their heads, but he keeps his lips sealed shut and silently observes the play they’ve pieced together for visitors. It’s brief, of course, but manages to have Kai swimming through a variety of emotions. Acting has always been something he’s wanted to explore, but given his inability to even _lie_ to people sometimes, perhaps it wasn’t the best path for him. For example, if he really wanted to fool Beomgyu, he might be able to for—at most—a solid five minutes. Sure, Beomgyu’s very gullible, but he’s also known Kai since eons ago and consequently knows of all Kai’s little lying habits. Kai has never been able to fool him.

Which is why him prying about Soobin all the time scares Kai. Beomgyu can read him better than himself and he’s sure he doesn’t want whatever Beomgyu’s saying to be true. Well, he’s _pretty_ sure, at least.

The boisterous applause following the performance is what snaps Kai back into reality and he quietly excuses himself from the room in favor of finding another club that interests him. He passes by ballet, traditional dance, opera, and several others, until finally he sees something worth exploring. Or rather, _hears._

Sounding from the last hallway is an angelic voice that pierces through the chatter, almost enticing Kai to come and visit; so he does. It takes a few simple strides of his long legs and he’s there, standing at the entranceway to what seems like the choir club.

“Kai?” The singing stops and a pair of round eyes look at him curiously. “What’re you doing here?”

“Why’d you stop singing?” Kai answers the question with a question, pout appearing as Taehyun makes his way towards him. “I wanna hear.”

“You hear it everyday,” Taehyun scoffs at Kai’s childish antics, reaching up to gently ruffle the younger’s brunette locks. The rest of the room are staring at them, so Kai shies away from the gesture quickly, but Taehyun doesn’t relent. He simply steps even closer until Kai’s sure that this looks all sorts of wrong in another angle. “Stop being so fidgety.”

“I’m not fidgety,” Kai defends, but weakly. His fingers sift through his bangs, combing them neatly before he tilts his upper torso to be in clear sight of their ‘audience’. “Hey.” The room acknowledges him with either a smile or a nod and then resumes to their previous activities, much to Kai’s relief.

“You should join,” Taehyun suggests, walking away briefly to grab his bag which rests by the window. “I’ve heard you sing in the shower. You’re not as quiet as you think.”

Kai pales at that, hushing Taehyun up by covering his mouth with his palm. “Don’t expose me,” he hisses and Taehyun raises his hands in surrender, though his expression remains stoic. Kai knows that he’s as threatening as a baby deer, but he _means_ it when he says he doesn’t need the world knowing about his private concerts in the bathroom.

Taehyun curls his fingers around Kai’s delicate wrist, yanking the hand away from his lips so that he can speak. “If you change your mind, just let me know.”

They head out the room after bidding their goodbyes and then Kai follows Taehyun, trusting the redhead’s intuition more than his own. “Where are we going?” He asks, speed reading the flurry of signs they pass by.

“My next club,” Taehyun replies, heading down a flight of stairs. Kai follows eagerly. Taehyun and him have a lot in common, perhaps not in terms of personality, but definitely in interests and hobbies. He wouldn’t be surprised if they ended up in the same club—or clubs, plural.

They reach a room called ‘Studio 9’ and Kai looks over Taehyun’s head to scan the room. The walls are all mirrors and there’s a group of boys huddled by what seems like a stereo. Kai manages to spot Yeonjun’s two tone hair, which helps him also find Beomgyu; the two come as a pair these days.

Beomgyu had mentioned being part of a dance team before and Yeonjun did always find a way to bust out a move, even when it seemed inappropriate for the situation, but Kai hadn’t really associated Taehyun with dancing. Now that he thinks about it though, Taehyun’s lithe frame and articulate gestures seemed good for the hobby. Additionally, Taehyun excels in every skill possible, so it probably comes to him naturally.

“Kang!” A voice from the group calls out, waving the boy over with a hand. Kai watches helplessly as his tour guide bounces away, but thankfully, Yeonjun and Beomgyu spot him in time.

“So you turned down Soobin’s help for Taehyun’s?” Beomgyu teases, arms folding over his chest and eyebrows quirked upwards in that annoyingly _Beomgyu_ fashion. “Is there something I should know?”

“Absolutely not,” Kai groans, aiming a light punch at his best friend's arm. Beomgyu feigns hurt just so he can see Yeonjun give Kai a disapproving look. This is unfair, Kai thinks; Yeonjun has blatant favoritism.

“So does Soobin,” Beomgyu counters, letting Kai know that he had been speaking aloud. Kai’s about to fire back—he’s not exactly sure what, but he _was_ about to—when a pair of footsteps halt behind him.

He whips his head around to silently beg the stranger to whisk him away from Beomgyu’s vexing presence and then goes wide-eyed at the person standing in front of him.

In a matter of two hours, Soobin had managed to somehow change into better fitting clothes _and_ dye his hair a dark shade of purple. 

Kai is absolutely _floored_ because if Soobin was attractive before, he was drop dead _gorgeous_ now—and that irritates Kai. It irritates Kai because he feels that same rush of heat shoot up his neck to his cheeks and that twitching sensation in his fingers.

Choi Soobin, Kai inhales, what the _hell_ is wrong with you.

“Dude,” Yeonjun cuts in disapprovingly and Kai freezes. Please, dear God, tell him that he hadn’t said that aloud. Just give him a sign, any sign that—

“What?” Soobin asks a bit breathlessly, the smile on his face having dropped so quickly that Kai thinks he imagined it being there in the first place. “I’m sorry?”

There’s an awkward silence that hangs in the rooms, prompting Kai to say something—anything—but a clamp tightens around his throat. He’s stuck, unsure of how to explain himself. How can he tell Soobin that the reason behind that uncalled for statement had been him feeling _too_ _much_ at once (simply because of Soobin _standing_ there) without sounding like… well, a creep? (Oh how the turns have fucking tabled.)

“I’ll go,” Soobin looks hurt and uncomfortable, something Kai hasn’t seen before and therefore doesn’t know how to register. Yes, he feels like an asshole, but he’s bad with situations like this in general. His silence only causes Soobin to look even more upset and Kai hates that he’s unable to reach out and stop Soobin from exiting the studio.

“What the fuck?” Beomgyu shoves Kai on the shoulder, which effectively gets Kai to feel a little less numb. Beomgyu is pissed, Kai assumes from what he sees in the mirror, but mostly Beomgyu is concerned. “I didn’t think you actually hated him.”

“I don’t,” Kai croaks out, heaving a sigh. He’s not sure what he feels, but he’s certain it’s not hate. He’s hated people in the past before (who hasn’t?) and they have never made him tongue-tied. They have never caused his palms to grow sweaty and his throat to dry up and his pupils to dilate, as he’d seen in his reflection, and a whole list of other things. Other things he’d only felt when he—

“Whatever it is, you need to figure it out,” Yeonjun scolds him gently, smoothing a palm over Kai’s back. “Soobin’s understanding, he’ll forgive you.” Kai _knows_ he’s understanding, which makes his predicament all the more harder because if he tells him what’s on his mind, Soobin will figure him out in the blink of an eye.

The music starts and Beomgyu and Yeonjun take their places in the formation. Kai needs a distraction so he stays a while longer to watch.

Soobin is a problem for tomorrow, Kai says, but the ache in his chest says otherwise.

* * *

“Look, I’m sorry,” Kai mutters to himself. “It was a joke, I didn’t mean it.” He’s already rehearsed this more times than he can remember, to the point where Taehyun can recite his apology word for word, facial expressions and all. For some reason, Kai is adamant about getting it nothing short of perfect before he presents it to Soobin.

Kai’s not sure what he expects when he walks into the lecture hall, but it’s definitely not Soobin sitting in the front of the classroom with silver-rimmed glasses on, looking as attentive as the honor student next to him. Kai stands there in awe for a bit because this is the Soobin they would normally fall asleep on his shoulder midway through class.

“Move,” a gruff voice sounds from behind him and he realizes he’s been holding up a line, hurriedly shuffling towards where he usually sat. There’s a girl sitting in Soobin’s chair (didn’t people know better than to occupy seats that weren’t theirs?) but Kai pays no mind to her, even if she flashes him the sweetest of smiles.

Kai almost makes an offended noise when the girl next to Soobin leans in to whisper something in his ear, twirling her finger around her hair flirtatiously and then leaning back to admire his flustered expressions. And Kai almost doubles over from leaning so far off his chair, as if straining to hear their conversation although he’s more than 10 rows away.

He slams open his textbook with frustration after seeing Soobin humor the girl, deciding not to look anymore. However, he can only resist the urge for so long.

It’s pointless to say that Kai gets no work done in statistics that morning.

* * *

“I think he’s avoiding me,” Kai announces as he meets the others at the bleachers that all of them regularly eat at. Taehyun doesn’t look surprised, only reaching out to pat the space beside him so that Kai can sit down and curl into him.

Beomgyu motions with his hand for Kai to continue and he does, trying his best not to pout when he catches a patch of lilac making its way across the field instead of bouncing over his way. “I was gonna apologize during first period today, but he sat in another seat.”

“Maybe he couldn’t see?” Yeonjun supplies to comfort Kai, but it only makes him feel worse and he shrinks himself into Taehyun even more.

“He was wearing glasses,” Kai mumbles, scrunching his nose up as Soobin’s face appears in his train of thoughts. “He never wears glasses! And he was sitting all the way up front, like he was trying to impress someone.”

“Impress someone?” Taehyun finally seems interested in the conversation, having merely been focused on calming Kai down with reassuring pats prior to that. “Are you serious?”

“I am! All the honor students sit by the teacher’s desk and he was sitting next to this one girl,” Kai pauses to recall her name, but then realizes he doesn’t really know anyone’s name in that class, but Soobin’s, by heart. “I’m pretty sure she’s in the student council. Anyways, they were all mushy mushy the entirety of class.”

Beomgyu snorts at that, sharing a secretive glance with Yeonjun that doesn’t go unnoticed by Kai. “What?”

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that was jealousy talking,” Beomgyu answers, a smirk tugging onto his chapstick smeared lips. Yeonjun speaks up after him, “Concerned about him sitting somewhere else is reasonable, but staring at him from afar and scrutinizing his interactions with someone else? Borderline possessive boyfriend status.”

“I’m not,” Kai begins, but fails to find the right words. “We’re not—it’s not like that. He’s my friend.”

“Oh, he’s your friend now? Up until yesterday, he was still ‘weirdo’ to you,” Beomgyu mentions and Kai’s hand itches to reach out and tug on Beomgyu’s ear. Instead, he wipes at the bead of sweat rolling down his neck, unsure if it’s from the sun beating down on him or the topic at hand.

“That’s not the point,” Kai attempts to divert their attention, shaking his hand in the air. “The point is that he’s ignoring me and I can’t apologize if he’s doing that so I need help.”

Beomgyu shrugs, picking up a cherry from Taehyun’s container and popping it into his mouth, and Kai groans. “Hyung,” he says with distaste, only trying to appease the other, “P—ugh. Please.”

“Well, since you asked so nicely,” Beomgyu grins cheekily and then turns around, scanning the vicinity until he finally spots the boy they’ve been talking about. “He seems busy right now, but you can ask him during our dance practice later.”

“Why would he be there?” Kai questions, tilting his head to the side, and Beomgyu stares at him. “You’re joking,” Beomgyu responds and Kai shakes his head. “Because, dimwad, he’s a part of the team too. He wasn’t stalking you yesterday if that’s what you’re thinking.”

Oh. Oh, that made so much more sense. Had Kai _known_ Soobin was a part of the team, he would’ve been so much less startled. That’s not to say he was opposed to Soobin following him around, because he wasn’t, and that’s also not to say he would’ve reacted any differently, because Kai’s sure Soobin’s new look would’ve affected him all the same. Whatever effect it was, anyways.

“The world doesn’t revolve around you,” Yeonjun jokes, squeezing Kai’s cheek affectionately when he sees the youngest appear affronted. “I’m kidding, _his_ world might.”

“I’ll ask him to fetch me water and you can talk to him while he’s in the hallway,” Taehyun offers, packing up his lunchbox and crumpling up the used napkins. “The studio walls are soundproof, if you’re wondering. So don’t worry if you start crying. It’ll block out your loud sobs.”

“I do not,” Kai begins, but sharply ends his sentence after catching the look Taehyun gives him. Just because he sometimes gets emotional over movies and just because he’s loud in general, does not mean he’s going to start bawling in front of Soobin. It wasn’t that deep. He thinks—he hopes.

“Whatever you say,” Taehyun sneers and Kai doesn’t have to look at him to know that he has that know-it-all flare to his gaze.

Kai’s not sure how much more of this “life has its ups and downs” shit he can take.

* * *

The clock ticks agonizingly in the hallway as Kai waits by the water fountain. Taehyun hadn’t told him exactly when he’d have Soobin out of the studio so Kai’s been standing here for the past half hour, fighting his nerves.

He can faintly hear the thundering sounds of footsteps from the practice room matching the low beats of the music. The walls _were_ soundproof, but the entire floor was quiet except for studio 9.

Then, Kai hears the doors creak open and his breath gets caught in his throat. Sure, he’s been going over what to say all day, but now that it was actually happening, his mind is drawing a blank slate. What if Soobin didn’t come to this exact water fountain? What if Soobin saw him and turned the other way? What if Soobin listened and didn’t accept his apology?

“Kai?” His voice is soft, almost sounding concerned, and Kai feels his own guard lowering, as if it were never there in the first place. Soobin has a weird way of accomplishing that without doing anything. “What’re you doing here?”

“Soobin,” he pauses and then quickly adds, “Hyung—Soobin hyung, I’m sorry.” Kai struggles to meet Soobin’s gaze, even if the older doesn’t look the least bit menacing. Kai wants to continue, wants to tell him it was a joke—like he practiced—but he can’t bring himself to. He can’t look Soobin in the eye like this and _lie._ “I didn’t mean what I said last night,” is what he ultimately settles for.

Soobin lifts his hand and Kai immediately closes his eyes, expecting some sort of physical response—a tug on the ear, a flick on the forehead, maybe even a light whack to the head if Soobin was feeling particularly bold. It doesn’t come. The sounds of Soobin’s sneakers squeaking against the floorboards are what reel Kai out of his thoughts and he cracks open his heavy eyelids just in time to make out the older’s small smile before he’s tugged into a warm embrace.

“It’s okay. Thank you for apologizing,” Soobin reassures him and Kai finds himself nearly tearing up from the softness of his tone. Taehyun was right, he was a crybaby. Soobin hadn’t even been mad for a full day and somehow Kai is growing tearful at being forgiven. “Beomgyu explained that you have a weird way of showing affection.”

Beomgyu’s not wrong, Kai thinks; he’s not wrong at all. Because when Kai draws back from Soobin’s arms and catches the rosy hue on the latter’s cheeks, the glistening of his plump lips which part, the neatly framed fringe falling over his eyes—the same eyes that Kai has long since lost himself in—he can sense that same emotional constipation building up again. The part of his mind that screams for Kai to draw up his defenses overpower the cries of his heart.

“Thanks, bro,” Kai says awkwardly, hands going through a series of gestures—peace signs, finger guns, fists, finger guns again—before he claps once loudly and lets out the realest huff of a laugh he can manage (which still sounds dry). “Well, see you during statistics tomorrow!”

Kai doesn’t even have time to cringe at himself with the speed at which he bolts past Soobin.

* * *

“Bro,” Taehyun repeats when they’re sitting in their dorm’s common area. Kai’s sprawled across the couch, groaning in agony as the embarrassment resurfaces. “Let me get this straight. You’re freaking out because you called him ‘bro’?”

“That is what I _just_ said, yes,” Kai affirms, shooting Taehyun a half-hearted glare and immediately recoiling once the latter returns one. “I sounded like a 10 year-old trying to prove that I could handle the big boy swings.”

“You’re exaggerating,” Taehyun snorts, amused by Kai’s neverending theatrics when reciting a story. He watches as Kai thrashes around momentarily, exerting all of his leftover frustration. “Everyone uses that term. Why are you so worked up over it?”

Kai doesn’t really know, to be honest, so he replies with a shrug. Taehyun’s bound to give his input anyways so Kai waits, expectantly, and then vehemently denies Taehyun’s comparison of him to a ‘kicked puppy’. “Did that hurt your pride?” Kai nods with a scowl.

“Well, pup,” Kai makes an irritated noise, but Taehyun continues unhindered, “Maybe it’s because you don’t see him as a ‘bro’? That would explain all this whining because I’ve heard you call the rest of us that nickname with no problem.”

“That’s not it,” Kai dismisses without a second thought. “I consider him my friend too now, so I should have no problem with the nickname itself. It was just the timing of it all and how I said it.”

“Uh huh,” Taehyun says in that whatever-you-say tone of his that has Kai squinting suspiciously. They sit there, staring at each other silently until Taehyun loses the contest and Kai breaks out into a fit of giggles. “Anyways, if that’s it, just get over it. I’m sure he found it cute. You threatened a kid over ice cream the other day and Soobin was still cooing.”

“Because he’s weird,” Kai grunts and then frowns, sitting up. “In a good way, though.” He means it. Sure, at first he’d thought Soobin was a highly wanted criminal stalking him, but now he’d begun to like the older boy’s oddities. They made him unique and all the more admirable. Platonically, of course.

Kai’s phone vibrates just then, signalling that he’d gotten a text, and he checks to see who it’s from. To his luck, Soobin had decided to text him just then to inquire about statistics homework. “Speak of the devil,” Kai hears Taehyun say and he makes a face before tapping out a response to Soobin. “I can tell it’s him from the way your face lights up,” Taehyun explains, standing up and heading for his room. He mentions something about taking out the trash, but Kai’s too preoccupied at the moment to hear clearly.

_From: Tubinnie at 10:45 PM_

_ningning!!!1!1!_

_please tell me you copied the numbers for today’s hw assignment :(_

_Me at 10:48 PM_

_[ Image Attached ]_

_what would u do w/o me hyung_

_^__ < _

_From: Tubinnie at 10:49 PM_

_sit around and miss you probably :/_

_thanks for the pic! <3 _

Kai stares at his screen silently, letting the message sink in, and then _squeals_ before he can stop himself. Taehyun says something along the lines of ‘I heard that’, but Kai is too busy feeling a mix of excitement, because _fuck_ is Soobin cute, and fear, because _fuck_ is Soobin _cute._

He’s not exactly sure how to respond though, so he texts a simple ‘>3<’ emoji back and then tosses his phone onto the other side of the couch. His heart is hammering against his chest so loudly, he’s sure that Taehyun’s singing to the rhythm of it right now. Plus, it’s gotten so _hot_ all of a sudden that he considers turning down the room’s temperature so that he doesn’t get baked alive.

Kai’s not stupid. Okay, he’s a _little_ stupid, but he’s not that deep into denial that he can’t acknowledge his own feelings. “Taehyun,” he cries out in defeat and the door to Taehyun’s room creaks open.

Kai doesn’t need to look up to know that the other boy is smirking victoriously. 

* * *

Class becomes so much harder now that Kai is aware of his own feelings. He had _already_ been struggling to maintain a good grade in statistics prior to constantly worrying about the insanely attractive boy next to him. 

Now, when Soobin leans over to explain why the subcategory was nominal and not ordinal, Kai finds himself more concerned about the way Soobin’s breath fans over his cheek than the red marks on his graded exam. An A in the class was definitely out of the question.

“Did you get that?” Soobin asks, twirling his pen around on his forefinger. Kai snaps out of his daze, staring at the now completed problem in his notebook and then lies through gritted teeth. “Yeah, thanks.” If Soobin could tone down looking like he just came straight out of a comic book, that would make things a lot easier.

“You’re lying.” Kai doesn’t know why he bothers lying to _anyone_ at this point because _everyone_ can read him like he’s the back of their hand. “Want me to go through it again?” Great, now he’s being a nuisance. All because he couldn’t get his act together. “It’s not a big deal, really. I don’t mind.” Kai swears that Soobin has mind reading powers which is _scary_ because his thoughts are 90% Soobin—wanting to hold Soobin, _kiss_ Soobin—and 10% everything else in his life, including his responsibilities. 

“Maybe later,” Kai mumbles, exhausted from his own overworked brain. He slouches forwards, chin landing onto his palm and bangs falling over his eyes. There’s about fifteen minutes of class left anyways and Kai wouldn’t be able to grasp all of what Soobin had just written out in such little time. “Sorry for spacing out,” he adds on, allowing his eyelids to flutter shut. 

The soft buzz caused by the sunlight peeking through the classroom blinds has Kai struggling to fight off sleep. He makes out the gentle touch of Soobin’s hand, nimble fingers playing with his hair and then lazily tracing circles onto his back.

Kai’s not sure when he loses consciousness, but when he regains it, students are rushing out the room and Soobin is trying his best to clean up their materials without waking Kai. Embarrassingly enough, Kai is almost toppling over Soobin with the angle that he’s somehow maneuvered himself into, but Soobin doesn’t seem the least bit bothered.

“You’re awake,” Soobin notes in surprise as Kai finally reels away from him. Rubbing away tiredly at his eyes, Kai manages to give him a sleepy hum and Soobin reaches out to pinch his cheek gently. “Sleepyhead. Professor Kim almost caught you,” Soobin scolds and then slides Kai’s notebook and pencil case towards him.

“Why didn’t you wake me?” Kai mutters, putting his supplies into his bag and then shooting Soobin an accusatory glare. It’s weak, but gets the point across; Soobin still laughs.

“You looked so peaceful,” Soobin replies, slinging his own bag over his shoulder. “Besides,” and then Kai feels a warm hand cupping his jaw and a thumb brushing over the smooth expanse of his cheek. “You always sleep so late. Look at your eye bags, baby.”

“Don’t call me that,” Kai swats Soobin’s hand away before the latter can feel the heat radiating off his skin. 

“Weirdo,” Kai adds on, for good measure.

* * *

Kai ends up joining the dance club. It’s _not_ because he wants to ogle at Soobin some more, really; that’s just a part of it. A tiny part. Kai wants to spend time with his friends and he’s always been interested in dancing anyways.

It has nothing to do with how good Soobin looks with his hair pushed back and a frown settled on his forehead—and certainly nothing to do with how carefully Soobin cradles Kai when Kai can’t get a certain dance move down. 

Kai’s here for his friends, plural, not just Soobin. Seriously.

“Whatever you say,” Beomgyu rolls his eyes, after catching Kai zoning out and staring at Soobin’s reflection in the mirror instead of practicing. Beomgyu’s been especially critical of him because he’s a perfectionist and Kai is everything _but_ perfect right now. “At this point I’m not sure if you’re here to learn about the choreo or about Soobin.”

“I’ll get it,” Kai asserts, getting back into stance and finding his rhythm. Kai’s not bad, he’s danced with Beomgyu before and Beomgyu has praised him—has said he had a natural gift for it. It’s just that Kai gets distracted easily. His mind travels at 70 miles per hour and every turn he takes leads him to some aspect of Soobin. Heck, the only time he can sit and focus is when he games—and even then it’s for a solid 10 minutes before Soobin infiltrates his mind like a persistent brain worm.

“Kai,” Soobin sounds displeased, but not angry—yet. The rest of the people in the room are looking at him expectantly and the music has stopped, signaling that he’s made too many mistakes for them to continue ignoring it.

“Sorry,” he apologizes, casting his gaze on the ground. He hears Soobin sigh and then dismiss the other dancers. “Soobin,” he begins, wanting to elaborate on his apology once it’s just the two of them in the room, but Soobin just smiles and ruffles his hair.

“From the top, okay?” Kai knows he’s being a nuisance from the exhaustion evident in Soobin’s voice. Soobin must be tired from having had to repeat the same move for the umpteenth time, but Kai can’t help it. Every time he tries to learn, he gets completely frozen in awe by Soobin’s fluidity.

They end up rehearsing until nearly midnight. Kai can feel the burn in his thighs that’ll surely bother him the morning after, but he doesn’t stop to complain. He doesn’t have the right to. He’s already wasting so much of Soobin’s time as is.

“You did well,” Soobin compliments, passing Kai a water bottle before dabbing at his sweat with his towel. Kai should really start bringing one for himself. He doesn’t sweat as much as the others, but there’s still uncomfortable beads rolling down his neck.

“Thanks to you,” Kai says after drinking a few sips of water, screwing the cap back on and shyly handing it back to the older boy. Soobin shakes his head dismissively, but Kai makes a noise of protest and so Soobin surrenders with a chortle. “Seriously, Soobin. Thanks for this,” Kai repeats. “You didn’t have to, but you did. You always do.”

Kai hates this feeling the most. The weight of being burdensome hugging his frame, causing his shoulders to droop forwards and his posture to slacken. He tries his best not to show these sides to him—because it’s in everyone’s best interest to not have to deal with the raging tantrum he throws when he’s 17 feet under his own insecurities—but it’s hard sometimes. Especially now when the consequences of his own immaturity are so obvious.

“I’m sorry,” Kai heaves out, barely being able to keep his voice from wavering, and still Soobin catches on. Kai’s not surprised when he feels a warm hand slip into his own, tugging him forwards and leading him towards the corner directly underneath the vents. They sit here sometimes, just the two of them, when they need to cool down. “It’s my fault,” Kai continues and he’s certain he’s about to start babbling, free hand coming up to cover his eyes.

Pathetic, Kai thinks to himself, once his sleeve dampens with his own tears. He can feel the intense waves of concern emitting from Soobin, but he can’t will himself to look at him; at least not now. “Hey,” Soobin begins, giving Kai’s hand a reassuring squeeze with his own. “It’s okay,” Soobin promises and then Kai feels another warm hand, this time touching his cheek. “Look at me.”

Kai doesn’t want to—he really doesn’t want to—but he’s never been able to say ‘no’ to Soobin. So, even though he has lashes stuck together from the tears he’s shed and a nose tinted red from the same cause, he lets the hand shielding his eyes fall limply onto his lap.

“I can never do anything right,” Kai chokes out, having no filter now that he’s staring directly into Soobin’s eyes. They have a way of unraveling him—as if Kai hasn’t spent the last 19 years building an imaginary fortress around himself. “I’m always dragging myself down—and everyone else around me—because I’m so… incompetent. It’s like,” Kai pauses for a shaky breath. “It’s like everyone’s better off without me.”

“Kai,” Soobin warns, the tone alone telling him not to jump to conclusions, but Kai doesn’t heed him and continues. “What’s the world without one more lost teenager, anyways.” Then, Kai flinches, feeling a harsh tug on his cheek where Soobin’s palm had once resided so gently.

“Stop talking nonsense, will you?” Soobin asks, soothing his thumb over Kai’s reddening skin apologetically. Kai’s reply dies on the tip of his tongue when he feels Soobin use the leverage that he has to draw Kai in closer. There’s familiar warmth when Soobin tucks Kai underneath his chin and Kai stiffens for a passing second before relaxing in Soobin’s embrace. “You’re trying your hardest and that’s enough. Everyone’s their own worst critic.”

They end up huddled in their corner for another two hours before drowsiness begins to catch up to Kai. He can feel his head growing heavier and Soobin pressing Kai down onto his shoulder doesn’t help the situation either. “We should get going,” Kai mumbles lazily, but makes no effort to move. Soobin says something that Kai doesn’t quite catch due to the current state he’s in—slipping in and out of consciousness—but Kai does make out the caressing touches delivered onto his back.

When Kai finally wakes up, it’s because of his alarm screeching persistently. With his eyes still closed, he reaches out to his left and yelps himself awake when his hand touches something _fuzzy_ instead of his phone. Clutching his arm to his chest, as if he’d been wounded, Kai scrutinizes the culprit.

“Why are you here?” Kai hisses out when Soobin stirs awake a few seconds later. The sleep deprived male simply gives him a look and then reaches out, dragging Kai down with him again. Kai’s certain that Soobin thinks he’s dreaming; he has to be with the way his hands so boldly force Kai’s body to press up against him. However, Kai realizes he’s not necessarily opposed to the idea of cuddling with Soobin either and so he indulges the older—and himself—just this once and flutters his eyes shut.

By the second time he wakes up, Soobin is gone and Kai is tucked neatly underneath the comforters. They’re heavy and warm and if Kai doesn’t get up now, he’ll be lulled back to sleep and miss his first class. Wait, doesn’t he share his first class with Soobin?

“Fuck!” Kai curses, fumbling around to find his phone. That’s when he realizes that he’s not in his own room. The colors are too gloomy, the books are stacked too neatly, and most importantly, there’s not a single plushie in sight. With fear, he tries to remember if he’d done anything regrettable last night, but bits and pieces of their conversations come back to him, alleviating his stress. 

“Can’t believe he didn’t wake me up,” Kai grunts in dissatisfaction. The bedroom door then flies open and Kai shrieks, yanking the blanket over his head. He prays to God it’s Soobin walking into the door and not Yeonjun because he’s not sure how he’s going to explain to Yeonjun exactly why he’s huddled up so comfortably in Soobin’s b—

“Kai? Is that you?”

Slowly, Kai drags the blanket lower and lower until his head peeks out. He flashes Yeonjun a small smile, trying his best to act as if nothing’s out of the ordinary, but the pure shock in Yeonjun’s face remains. “It’s not what you think,” Kai begins, but before he can finish, Soobin walks back into the room, unphased in the slightest as he brushes past a stuttering Yeonjun.

“Good morning, baby,” Soobin greets and Kai splutters, rushing to find the right words so that he can explain to Yeonjun that nothing is going on. Yeonjun’s eyes are frantically shifting from Soobin’s physique to Kai’s until he ultimately decides to not wait for an explanation and storm straight out of the bedroom _and_ the dorm. For some reason, Kai feels like he’s going to get an earful from both Beomgyu and Taehyun in a few hours.

“Why would you do that?” Kai launches a pillow at Soobin’s head, but Soobin dodges it with a laugh. “Just for fun,” Soobin replies, sticking his tongue out childishly. Kai’s protests die on the tip of his tongue when Soobin climbs back into bed.

One of Soobin’s hands curl around Kai’s hip and the other reaches for Kai’s hand, intertwining their fingers with ease—as if they’re meant to be slotted with one another. Kai feels himself being dragged closer and closer until he’s as close to Soobin as he can possibly be, head drooping onto Soobin’s shoulder comfortably. Soobin reassures Kai that it’s the weekends and that he would never let Kai skip class knowingly, then lulls the younger boy to sleep with soft hums. Kai can feel the vibrations that rumble in Soobin’s chest as he speaks, but focuses on the soft thudding of his heart. 

This is normal, right?

* * *

The two of them decide to meet up with the others for lunch sometime in the afternoon. Kai tries his best to tame his unruly hair, but it’s obvious that certain strands will _not_ be working with him today and the same seems to go for Soobin. It’s incriminating and that’s probably why Beomgyu snatches Kai away from Soobin’s vicinity as soon as they all see each other.

“Defiler!” He accuses, pointing at Soobin with a finger while he ushers Kai behind him. Kai’s significantly taller than Beomgyu, so it looks a little ridiculous when he’s ordered to ‘hide’ behind the shorter boy. “How could you, Choi Soobin? I trusted you!”

“What?” Soobin asks in disbelief and then he catches sight of Yeonjun trying his best to inspect Soobin and Kai discreetly, as if looking for some evidence of their ‘forbidden rendezvous’. “He fell asleep after practice last night and his dorm was too far away so I brought him to mine,” Soobin explains, swatting away Beomgyu’s finger.

“Beomgyu hyung, weren’t you over there last night?” Taehyun asks, unbothered. Quietly, he interlaces his fingers with Kai’s and the two of them head over to sit at a table nearby. The rest of them follow and Beomgyu tries to defend himself, but it’s in vain because Taehyun is just so much _better_ at these things. “If it bothered you so much, you should’ve said something then.”

“Boom!” Soobin dramatically fistbumps the air and then reaches out to ruffle Taehyun’s red tresses. “And that’s why you’re my favorite.” Kai tries his best not to squirm from the uncomfortable feeling that statement gives him.

“The sororities are giving away pizza. One dollar for a slice,” Yeonjun mentions, pointing over to the crowded table set up in the cafeteria. “12 dollars for a medium and 18 for a large, but I heard they have deals for couples.”

“Well, why don’t you two get us some discounted pizza then?” Taehyun asks, gesturing towards Yeonjun and Beomgyu. “We already went there yesterday,” Yeonjun answers and then his eyes shift towards Kai tellingly. “Oh, no,” Kai says before Yeonjun can even get the request out. “No, no, no. No way in hell.”

“You don’t even know what I’m going to ask yet!” Yeonjun whines, reaching out to wrap his arms around Kai, but getting shoved promptly by Taehyun. “Pleaseeee,” Beomgyu chimes in, being unnecessarily cute. “For us,” he adds in, as if it’ll convince Kai who is shaking his head at record speed.

“You guys are even wearing matching outfits, it’ll pass!” Yeonjun frantically motions towards Kai and Soobin. If he was going to be honest, Kai wasn’t wearing his own clothes. It was an impromptu sleepover so he had no spare clothes and there was _no way_ he would _ever_ go outside in clothes he’d slept and sweat in. 

Soobin had generously lended Kai some of his, but Soobin’s wardrobe was… limited. Hence why they were both wearing hoodies with the same design, Soobin’s being blue and Kai’s being yellow.

“He’s clearly uncomfortable,” Taehyun snorts. “I’ll go with Soobin. It’s not like they’re gonna ask us to prove it or something,” and with that, Taehyun begins to get up.

Taehyun’s an angel, Kai thinks. He’s relieved that at least _someone_ is looking out for him, but something in Kai still compels him to stand. “It’s fine, Tyun, I’ll just get the stupid pizza,” Kai huffs out. Before anyone can say anything, he starts walking towards the sorority’s table. Kai can tell Soobin’s a bit stunned too, by the way he hesitates to follow at first, barely catching up to Kai in time.

“One large pizza please,” Kai asks, throwing in a smile to be polite. The girl gives him a onceover, turns to look at Soobin, does the same, and then smiles. “Couple’s deal?”

“Yeah,” Soobin says for Kai, sensing Kai tense up at the question. Luckily, the girl didn’t seem to notice, sticking her hand out for their student IDs. While she’s occupied typing up their information, Kai reaches up to tug at the collar of his hoodie, suddenly feeling a lot warmer than he should.

“You alright?” Soobin asks and Kai feels a hand on the small of his back, guiding them closer together. “Soobin?” A third party silences Kai’s response off and Kai tries his best not to glare at the blonde sorority chick who’s now making their way over. _Oh._ Of fucking course. It’s the same girl from their statistics class—the one that had thrown herself all _over_ Soobin that one day. “I didn’t know you were dating,” she raises an eyebrow, giving Kai a sideway glance as if she knows the truth.

“Oh, uh,” Soobin flusters, free hand reaching up to rub the nape of his neck sheepishly. “Yeah,” is his weak reply. The girl takes a step forward, tugging at the strings of Soobin’s hoodie in a teasing manner and _hello?_ Kai is standing _right there_ and okay, so he may not _actually_ be Soobin’s boyfriend, but she doesn’t know that for sure and should be more respectful for crying out loud!

“It didn’t seem that way last week,” the (annoying) girl claims. “Well he is,” Kai reaches up, fingers curling around the girl’s wrist so that he can yank her hand away from Soobin. “And I’d appreciate it if you kept your claws off my boyfriend.” He can tell Soobin’s surprised at the words that fall from his lips, but _thankfully_ the older boy catches on and plays along.

“It’s okay, she was just being playful, baby.” Kai’s regret is _instant_ because he had accidentally given Soobin a free pass to petnames—“You know my eyes are only on you.”—and whatever the hell _that_ was.

“Whatever,” the girl rolls her eyes, handing them their order. Kai takes it off her hands happily and turns away from the table, making sure to press up extra close to Soobin for good measure.

When they reach their friends, everyone’s looking up at them expectantly. That is until Kai sets the pizza box down and then all eyes are on the food. “What happened over there?” Yeonjun asks, mouth full of cheese and pepperoni. “It looked pretty intense.”

“Nothing,” Kai replies, cheeks flushing at record speed. Soobin parts his lips to say something, but Kai is quicker, shoving the end of a pizza slice into his mouth. Taehyun purses his lips to the side, signalling that he wasn’t buying Kai’s lie. “Later,” Kai mutters to satisfy him.

He was going to tell Taehyun anyways, regardless of if he asked or not, because Taehyun is rational and frankly, Kai needs some of that because he’s inches from slipping into insanity. Soobin’s hand meets his thigh briefly, squeezing it in retaliation for Kai’s previous actions, and Kai nearly jolts at the contact. “That’s no way to treat your _boyfriend,_ Ningning,” Soobin teases, causing Kai to blush and smack the boy’s hand away from his thigh.

Yeah, he _definitely_ needs Taehyun’s help.

* * *

“So your logical, well-thought-out decision is to just say nothing,” Taehyun summarizes after Kai goes on his nearly hour long rant. Kai nods in response and all he gets is a long, exaggerated sigh from Taehyun who slumps back onto the couch and facepalms so hard, it sounds like it hurts.

“Have you—oh, I don’t know—considered telling him?” Taehyun asks and Kai looks at him as if he’s grown a second head. “Are you crazy?” Kai shouts incredulously. “Why would I do that?” And then he aims his molang plushie at Taehyun’s face.

“No need to be so defensive,” Taehyun scoffs, catching the toy in one hand before setting it beside him and threading his brows together. “I have a feeling he likes you too.” Kai pauses, mulls the thought over, and then shakes his head. “Nah.”

Taehyun silently tells Kai to reason out his answer and so Kai does. “He’s too good for me—like ‘hit the homerun’ out-of-my-league. First of all, he’s very attractive and I’m over here, still waiting for my glow up. Second of all, his personality is ideal. He always makes sure I’m okay and goes out of his way to reassure me; not to mention he knows just what to say in every given situation. He’s also lame, but it’s cute—a dorky kind of lame, you know? The one where his jokes shouldn’t be funny, but they are because you’re _that_ fond of them. And he’s charming, in his own way.”

Now it’s Taehyun’s turn to stare at Kai as if the younger of the two is absurd.

“You look like _that_ and you’re telling me you haven’t ‘glowed up’ yet? God really does pick favorites,” Taehyun groans. “Anyways, if anything, you’re giving me more reasons as to why you _should_ confess. He sounds perfect for you and he’s a nice guy; he’ll treat you right. If he doesn’t, I’ll kill him. Easy.”

Kai gives him a pointed look. “You’re forgetting one major thing, Tyun. He doesn’t like me. Not like that at least.” Taehyun shrugs, sitting up straight once more. “You don’t know that for sure though and my gut instincts are telling me he’s as head over heels for you as you are for him.”

“What makes you say that?” Kai inquires seriously, pout almost permanently formed on his thin lips. He’s not considering confessing—oh no, not at all—but he was interested in what Taehyun had to say.

“Anyone with two functioning eyes can see it. He’s always finding excuses to spend time with you and he goes out of his way to make you happy,” Taehyun states, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. Kai’s not buying it. “That’s just the kind of person he is. He’s nice and caring, he treats all his friends like that.”

“It’s also the way he looks at you,” Taehyun adds on. “He looks at you like you’ve just finished rescuing a litter of kittens from a burning building.” Kai grimaces at the thought of that. Not that he had anything against kittens, but Taehyun’s examples were always just _so_ bizarre. 

“Trust me, Kai. It’s not something _you_ can see—because you’re as dense as a rock—but it’s there.”

* * *

Soobin’s birthday rolls around during winter break. The first thing Kai notices when Yeonjun allows the rest of them into their dorm is that he’s the only one that’s listened to Soobin’s meticulous guidelines for his birthday.

For the last month, Soobin had been hounding them over what they should wear, bring, and do on his birthday. He’s not serious about it, of course, but Kai still listens. He’s wearing a blue shirt and holding a bag full of baked goods and tubs of icecream. “I can’t believe you listened,” Soobin laughs when he catches sight of the brunette and Kai frowns. 

“I appreciate it though, thanks.” 

Kai ignores the way his heart flutters.

“This is for me?” Soobin asks, eyeing the card Kai has awkwardly put together for him. It’s not much, Kai knows, but he’d spent time on it. His doodles are messy—he’d made an attempt because Soobin likes art, but he really should leave drawing to Soobin—and his message is embarrassing and poorly put together. In fact, he’d been so ashamed to give Soobin his gift that he’d gone ahead and slapped Taehyun’s name on the card as well.

“Thanks guys,” Soobin chirps cheerfully, but he’s only staring at Kai, as if he knows the truth. And of _course_ he does, there’s no doubt.

Kai chooses not to say anything and he’s thankful Soobin doesn’t either. Instead, they turn their attention to Beomgyu who borrows Yeonjun’s guitar and strums some popular tunes for them to sing along to.

Kai’s not confident in his voice, singing at a volume that’s barely audible. Nobody seems to notice though, how can they when Taehyun’s practically carrying the karaoke session on his back. Soobin slumps against Kai a few songs in and Kai turns his head to see that Soobin’s on the verge of drifting off. “You’re putting me to sleep,” Soobin mumbles, burying his face into the crook of Kai’s neck.

Soobin must hear Kai’s appalled gasp because he rushes to clarify himself. “Not in the bad way. Your voice is just soothing.” Kai’s not sure what to think about that. “It’s cute.”

Needless to say, Kai ends up talking to himself just so he can put Soobin to sleep. When it’s time to leave, Beomgyu and Taehyun wait for him at the door, but Kai finds himself unable to move because of Soobin’s vice-like grip.. “Alright, lovebirds, adieu,” Beomgyu bows with dramatic flair and then leaves the room with a half-awake Taehyun behind him.

“Shout if you need anything,” Yeonjun says, though it sounds noncommittal. Kai watches Yeonjun disappear into his own room and then casts his tired eyes onto Soobin’s sleeping frame. They’re bound to get cramps if they spend the night like this, but Kai doesn’t have the heart to wake Soobin, who looks so peaceful.

The moon teases him by peeking more of its rays through the blinds, enunciating Soobin’s angelic features to an extent that has Kai darting in a sharp breath of air. Long lashes curled and mesmerizing, dyed locks messy and endearing, plump lips parted and inviting; Soobin looks ethereal.

In the silence of the night, Kai hears the pleas of his heart clearer than ever before.

* * *

Christmas is spent at a small town one bus ride away, under the fairy lights strung up in the trees and telephone poles. At the center of the plaza is a huge Christmas tree with fake presents propped underneath it and a stage where workers perform for the children that visit. “You should join them,” Beomgyu tells Taehyun as the five of them watch from afar. “You’d fit right in with the rest of the elves.” He receives a sharp jab to the side that has him bending over in pain.

They have dinner at a ramen shop and spoil themselves with gingerbread cookies and candy canes for dessert. Yeonjun documents as much as he can with his polaroid camera until each of them have at least three photos of one another in their wallets. Kai keeps the one of him and Taehyun wrestling on the snow, the one where Yeonjun and Beomgyu are scowling at him as he towers over them, and the one where Soobin stands alone in the frame, enamored by the Christmas tree. The last one is Kai’s favorite. It’s a candid shot with Soobin’s charming side profile on full display while he stares at the ornaments. There are stars in his eyes that Kai can’t look away from.

“Go on, prodigy. Play us something,” Beomgyu eggs Kai on, noticing that the street piano is unoccupied. Kai’s hesitant; playing in front of a bunch of strangers is not something he was practically eager to do. “I’ve never heard you play,” Yeonjun chimes in, practically shoving all of them towards the forlorn instrument. Still, Kai is reluctant. Then, Soobin voices his interest, and Kai’s legs move on their own until he’s seated on the bench.

“What’re you gonna play?” Taehyun sits down beside him, peering to see where Kai places his fingers. “Depends,” Kai tosses him a glance. “What do you feel like singing?”

It begins to snow lightly, littering their hair with white specks, and Kai watches the red tint slowly seep into his pale skin. He can’t be bothered to do anything about it though, too invested in hitting the right keys. Taehyun’s singing brings him warmth and if that isn’t enough, then the fire that begins inside him—after he catches sight of Soobin’s infamous dimpled smile—definitely is.

“Why don’t you sing too, Kai?” Beomgyu asks curiously, angling his phone in another direction so that he can record the scenery better. “What’s that one song you performed for our highschool talent show? Do that one.”

Kai knows what Beomgyu’s talking about. It’s his favorite song, ‘our summer’, and he could probably play it with his eyes closed. However, it’s been some time since he’s performed it in front of others—heck, he hasn’t even _hummed_ it in front of anyone since then, other than his family members.

“I don’t know,” Kai laughs nervously, bringing his show to an abrupt halt. A small crowd has gathered around them and a short burst of applause erupts. Kai’s appreciative, but his nerves heighten. “Wouldn’t want to disappoint.”

Beomgyu’s lips part to argue, but thankfully Taehyun inserts himself into the conversation. “He’s not comfortable, hyung. Maybe next time.” It’s times like this that Kai really believes Taehyun must’ve been a saint in his past life.

They make their way home, huddling together for warmth like a flock of penguins. Somewhere down the road, Kai finds himself distanced from the rest of them. It hadn’t been on purpose; he’d been too occupied with his own thoughts to see how far he’d lagged behind. He makes no effort to catch up though.

Yeonjun and Beomgyu are loud, cracking jokes every chance they can get; Taehyun probably doesn’t want to laugh, but Kai can tell he is by the way his shoulders tremble; and Soobin—Soobin has stopped walking. He’s got his arm extended outwards, palm facing up, and Kai rushes the few steps it takes for him to be able to slip his hand into Soobin’s.

“Kai?” Soobin’s voice is a bit hoarse, probably from laughing and shouting all night like the rest of them. Kai makes an encouraging noise and Soobin picks up from where he’s left off. “Are you ever gonna stop being a scaredy cat and let us hear your singing? It’s no fair that Beomgyu has that advantage over us.” It’s clear that Soobin’s trying to break the ice by joking and so Kai simply snorts in response. They jump from topic to topic after that but Kai’s mind dwells on the off-handed request a little longer.

They reach campus sooner than Kai had expected; it’s no surprise, considering time did always fly when he spent it with Soobin. After a brief discussion, they decide to crash at Beomgyu’s dorm for the night, but only after they retrieve the gifts they’d bought for secret santa.

Kai had gotten Yeonjun, which was the second to last person he’d wanted to get (last obviously being Soobin due to the fear of rejection). Thankfully, after a few shots at some senior’s frat party, Yeonjun had ended up telling Kai what he wanted and forgotten all about the conversation the next morning. 

Kai still basks in the compliments Yeonjun dotes him with after he gives the blonde boy the limited edition pair of headphones he had been practically drooling over.

“I didn’t really know what to get you,” Soobin apologizes as he approaches Kai who’s now seated on the living room floor and picking lint off his black jeans. Kai looks up at him, watching as the older boy sits down and brings out a lamented sheet of paper.

Kai’s breath hitches. In Soobin’s hands is a drawing—a painting—of _him._ He’s wearing the shirt he donned on the first day of university—white with colorful letters that gave off a more vibrant feeling than he had been experiencing—and his hair is swept into messy curls. Kai has to do a double take and then a triple take and then a—actually, he stops counting after that.

There’s no way he’s ever looked this good—Soobin has been way too generous. “It’s amazing,” he says a bit breathlessly, reaching out to take the sheet into his hands. He turns it from side to side, looks at it upside down, holds it up to the light—there’s not a single flaw; he’s not looking for any, but if anyone were to, he’s sure he’d come up empty handed.

“Really? The more I stare at it, the more I hate it,” Soobin’s chortle is meant to be light, but Kai can hear the discomfort and the truth behind his words. “Are you insane?” He asks the lavender-haired boy, frown glued onto his forehead. “How can you hate this? It’s like the epitome of perfection!”

“Big words,” Taehyun teases from behind him and then resumes heatedly arguing with Beomgyu on how he wasn’t shorter than average.

“Like,” Kai starts again intelligibly. “Look at it! It’s supposed to be me, but it looks way better. You’re amazing, I can’t believe you can’t grasp that. I wish you could see yourself—I mean _this_ —through _my_ eyes.” Soobin doesn’t seem to catch onto his slip-up so Kai continues after shooting him a wary glance to confirm his assumptions. “But someone very wise did once tell me we were our own worst critics, so.”

Soobin throws his head back and _laughs_ at that and Kai’s glad that the boy is no longer twiddling his thumbs anxiously. If Soobin wanted him to, Kai could probably go on for ages upon ages about how talented the older boy is.

Gears begin turning in his head as he watches Soobin calm down from how hard he’s laughed. “I have something for you too,” he whispers and he hears Soobin ask what it is, but stands up without verbally replying.

At the corner of Beomgyu’s dorm—which is a lot bigger than the rest of theirs since he rooms alone—is an electronic keyboard. He can hear the room fall silent, almost as if in disbelief, after they watch him turn the equipment on and test out the tuning.

The wind whistles outside and Kai exhales a bit shakily. His eyes flutter shut and he’s in the comfort of his own room; he’s not in his dorm, but in his forgotten bedroom back at home. The keyboard turns into a grand piano and faces morph until they’re no longer there. 

His voice comes out weak at first—hesitant, testing the waters—and then gradually solidifies when the comforting silence of his surroundings allows his confidence to surge by beguiling him into thinking he’s alone. During the small lapses of time where he has to crack his eyelids open to ensure he presses the right keys, his voice wavers because he’s reminded of the abnormal situation he’s currently in. Nonetheless, his perseverance remains and he completes the song on a strong note.

The applause is slow and faint, like his friends are scared they’ll scare him, and Kai can’t help but smile to himself. _Dorks._

“That was great!” Yeonjun exclaims, being the first to stand up and approach the youngest. He claps a hand onto Kai’s back with so much force that Kai nearly slips off the stool he’s sitting on. Beomgyu and Taehyun join in praising him with big smiles on their faces and soon they all end up referring to the pianist as if he isn’t there, but Kai doesn’t mind. He’s too busy trying to figure out Soobin’s thoughts, but the flurry of expressions appearing on Soobin’s face are hard to read.

Moments later, Soobin glances up so that their gazes meet and Kai finally gets to see the smile he’s been waiting for. His worry disappears until he catches sight of the way Soobin’s eyes glisten a little _too_ brightly to be considered normal.

Everyone else doesn’t notice, but Kai does. He watches wordlessly as Soobin turns his head and hastily wipes his eyes, trying to get rid of any evidence. “I’m okay,” Soobin says after meeting Kai’s concerned gaze. Kai gives him a look that reads, ‘Uh-huh’, and then stands up, arms looping around Soobin’s waist carefully. He’s not usually the first to initiate these sorts of things, but in this moment, it seems right.

Soobin returns the hug, hand running up and down Kai’s back to reassure him that he really is alright. Kai finds it a bit ironic, since he’s doing this to comfort Soobin and somehow, Soobin still finds a way to make things about Kai instead.

“I didn’t expect you to actually listen to my request. I was babbling, just trying to find excuses to talk to you,” Soobin admits with a laugh, pulling back so that he can face Kai. Kai can’t tell if his eyes are playing tricks on him or if Soobin really is blushing, but then Soobin shyly bites onto his lower lip and Kai looks away. He can’t do this. ‘ _God, I’m coming up!’_

“Thank you, it means a lot.” Soobin’s words do a number on Kai, replaying over and over in his head like a broken record. “Knowing that you trust us enough—that you trust _me_ enough—to show us that, it… really makes me feel good.” His comment ends with a smile so bright, it knocks the wind out of Kai’s lungs.

Kai takes it in—takes _everything_ in—like he’ll never be able to see it again. His eyes trace the awkward parting of Soobin’s bangs, the gentle arch of his eyebrows, the crinkles that appear by his crescent-shaped eyes, the soft curve of his button nose, the way his pearly white teeth hide behind his pouty lips, the defining depth of his dimples—everything. And in that moment, Kai knows.

He knows that somewhere, along the lines, he’s fallen helplessly in love with Choi Soobin.

* * *

Kai’s first instinct is to suppress it. To ignore the 3am urges to text Soobin and tell him that he’s everything Kai could ever need or want. It’s not hard, since Kai’s mastered the art of running away from his own feelings. Times like this really do highlight his characteristic flaw: ‘emotional constipation’.

Then comes the problem of Soobin possibly hearing his heart beating _ridiculously_ loud. (Like, _seriously,_ did it want a megaphone?) Kai resolves that by making more plans with everyone _but_ Soobin. Hell, he even signs up to be tutored in statistics by the ‘insane honor student sorority chick demon hybrid’. Surely, the less he spends time with Soobin, the more easy it’ll be to adapt and move on. Right?

Wrong.

Kai stares a little too harshly at his wrist watch as he counts down the last five minutes of his tutoring session. Alice, who is ‘irritation’ personified, had stopped teaching him half an hour ago and was now rambling about her _hundredth_ fight _this_ _week_ with her boyfriend. Kai could care less, frankly, but Alice _had_ gone out of her way to tutor him so he might as well just _sit there_ while she cries to him.

“You have it so easy,” Alice complains, leaning back in her chair and almost toppling over. Kai instinctively reaches out, his hand hovering there for a split second until he finally understands the weight of her words. “Huh?” He asks, dumbfounded. 

“You know,” Alice rests her chin on her palm as she tilts her head and looks over at him. “The way Soobin’s always staring at you as if you’re everything Heaven’s missing out on.” Kai freezes, but Alice is too enraptured in her rant to notice his odd behavior. “Wen would probably rather show up naked to class than give me that kind of attention.”

Delusional, Kai thinks. Everyone’s delusional. Soobin would never see him as anything more than a friend. Taehyun had once brought up that Soobin _did_ try to flirt with him on the first day of classes and while that was _true,_ it had been a joke. Soobin’s always joking about these sorts of things, not only with Kai either; Soobin treated everyone the same. Kai had seen the way his hand would linger far too long on Taehyun’s hip, the way he would playfully pucker his lips at Yeonjun, the way he would casually drag Beomgyu onto his lap. Soobin’s words and actions weren’t really the most reliable pieces of evidence when it came to discerning his feelings.

“Be honest, do you think I should break up with him?” His wristwatch beeps.

“Well!” Kai announces, wasting no time in standing up and stretching out his limbs. “Whatever choice you decide on, I’m sure it’ll be the right one. See you next week!” And with that, he dashes out the room before Alice can anchor him down any longer.

There’s a noisy buzz coming from his pocket and Kai feels around for his phone before pulling it out and reading the message preview that’s flashing on the screen.

_From: Tubinnie at 12:45 PM_

_ningning!!! r u busy?_

_wna hang out in a bit?_

_haven’t seen u all week :/_

_i’m dyingggg_

Kai’s fingers twitch, wanting nothing but to text Soobin back and _yes,_ meet up with him later so that they can eat baked goods together, crack lame jokes, and cuddle in bed while listing all the reasons as to why the world was cruel and unfair—but he can’t.

Heaving the longest sigh he can manage, Kai turns around and heads back into the room. Alice stares at him with wide eyes, surprised at his sudden return, but doesn’t inquire. Kai slumps back into the seat, which is still warm from his body heat, and gestures with his hands.

“So, what would be the pros and cons of breaking up with Wen?”

* * *

It takes another hour for Alice to finish her sob story, but Kai deems that’s long enough to convince Soobin that he didn’t have time today.

_Me at 2:03PM_

_sry hyung T—T_

_busy today :/_

With that, he pockets his phone and takes out his keys. At this hour, Taehyun should be in class; he’s the most studious member of their friend group, so Kai is a bit confused when he sees the lights on.

“Tyun, did you catch a cold?” Kai asks, toeing off his shoes. Entering the living room, he sees Soobin seated on the sofa, staring right at him with an unamused expression dominating his visage. _Fuck._

“Taehyun let me in,” Soobin states, standing up and making his way over. That _traitor._

“Oh, hey!” Kai attempts to ignore the rising tension between them, slowly walking backwards with each step Soobin takes forward. “Did you eat already? I’ve got some leftover takeout from last night in the fridge if you’re hungry. In fact, I’ll go heat it up for y—”

“Kai.”

By now, Soobin’s got him pressed up against the door, large hands encasing his frame so that Kai remains trapped, looking like a deer at headlights.

“I miss you.”

That’s all it takes for Kai to lean in and press his forehead to Soobin’s shoulder, not wanting the older to see him blink back his tears. Soobin is too familiar; the feeling of strong arms engulfing his frame in a solid embrace is too familiar. Kai misses this, misses him—really just _misses_ everything related to Soobin. It’s only been a week, but even a week is too long.

If he’s being honest, he fought caving in on the first night. He’s drawn to Soobin like a moth is to flame; Soobin’s become an addiction and Kai knows it’s unhealthy—with the way his mind is always thinking about Soobin, Soobin, _Soobin,_ like the boy is a necessity. Kai’s forgetting how to _function_ without him and yet—when Soobin’s here, in front of him, within arms’ reach—Kai _still_ doesn’t know how to function.

Slowly, he curls his fingers into the hem of Soobin’s shirt, silently asking Soobin to speak nothing of it, but Soobin’s too worried to grant him that wish.

“Speak to me,” Soobin urges, hushing Kai’s hiccuped sobs. Kai’s not sure what to say; if he ends up telling Soobin the truth, he’s not sure what to start. “I miss you too,” Kai announces before pulling away and smiling through his tears. “It’s just been a week of battling with my thoughts I guess.” He has to be specific enough to appease Soobin, yet vague enough to protect himself.

Soobin stares at him, long and hard, as if he’s reading through all the chapters Kai has closed off.

“Okay,” he says after some thought and Kai almost mistakens the kiss Soobin delivers onto his forehead, for it’s gentle and over way too quickly. “Let’s watch a movie?” Soobin always knows how to deal with Kai’s problems better than himself.

Kai nods once, twice, and then Soobin guides them towards Kai’s room.

* * *

“You two act like a married couple at this point.”

Beomgyu’s staring at them with intent, trying to unravel some _deep, dark secret_ that doesn’t exist. He’s got his fake specs on today, which seems to only rile up his dramatic persona even further. Kai glances at Soobin, who is too preoccupied with his phone to notice Beomgyu pointing a finger at them, and then back at the ‘detective’.

“Ding, ding, ding! Fifty points to gryffindor,” Kai shouts in his best announcer voice. Beomgyu startles and takes a step back, obviously befuddled by Kai’s sudden boost of energy. “You got it! We were roleplaying as you and Yeonjun.” Kai narrowly dodges the water bottle that Yeonjun flings at him from across the room.

“Stop changing the subject,” Beomgyu huffs, folding his arms over his chest in a childlike manner. Kai snorts at his bestfriend, feeling endeared, but also _repulsed_ at the same time. “Something’s up between you two, I can tell.”

“Oh yeah? How?” Taehyun asks, putting away his homework for the time being and joining in on the conversation at hand. Kai sends him a look that says ‘ _if you say anything, I’ll kill you on the spot.’_

“Call it a father’s instinct,” Beomgyu pats his own chest with pride, though Kai’s not sure what he has to be proud of from that statement. Beomgyu’s just _weird,_ he decides and turns his attention back to Soobin.

Soobin’s forehead is creased and his thumbs are tapping away furiously at his phone’s screen as he tilts the device one way and the other. He’s heavily invested in the racing game he discovered a few days ago, but Kai’s not sure if Soobin’s playing to win or to coo over the cartoon characters. Either way, it’s enamoring.

“I won!” Soobin practically jumps off the sofa, arms shooting in the air and nearly whacking Kai in the face. “Take _that,_ WeenieHut65!”

“I don’t know what you see in him,” Taehyun mumbles under his breath and Kai flails, nearly knocking Taehyun onto the ground with the speed and force at which he tackles him. The scene is awkward. Beomgyu nearly slides off Yeonjun’s lap and Soobin freezes with his hands still in the air as they all watch things unfold before them. Kai’s long, lanky limbs are intertwined with Taehyun’s shorter, but firmer ones and they’re pressed up against each other on the couch. Taehyun hisses at him, telling him to get off, but Kai stubbornly remains put.

_Yeah, that’s what you get for running your smart mouth—_

Large hands find their way to Kai’s hips and Kai finds himself frantically trying to grab onto something for support. His fingers hook into Taehyun’s collar, but whoever’s _manhandling_ him, continues unhindered.

Kai blinks rapidly, surprised to meet Soobin’s gaze after he’s pried off of Taehyun. “Don’t you think that’s a bit scandalous to do in front of your boyfriend?” Soobin questions with a pout and Kai chokes on his spit because _did he hear that correctly?_

“My what?”

“His what?!” Beomgyu shrieks. 

Kai winces at the volume, but Soobin seems unbothered, only focusing on Kai. Kai’s less surprised when Soobin jostles him around the second time, adjusting the younger boy onto his lap with ease. “You hate me?” Soobin playfully squints and Kai lets out a nervous laugh. He realizes now that Soobin’s joking, but he’s still very aware of their current position.

“Stop goofing around,” he scolds half-heartedly, moving to get off Soobin’s lap, but Soobin’s grip only tightens. “That’s not answering my question,” he says and Kai rolls his eyes. “I don’t hate you, but I might if you don’t let me go.” Kai doesn’t mean that of course; he could probably spend his entire life on Soobin’s lap if the circumstances were different—if he weren’t madly in love with Soobin and if Soobin didn’t see him as only a friend and nothing more.

“Humor me sometimes,” Soobin complains with no bite, tracing circles onto Kai’s hipbones casually. Kai raises an eyebrow, lifting his hand to prod harshly at Soobin’s forehead with the pad of his forefinger. “Really? You want me to act all smitten over you?”

“Act,” Taehyun mocks and Kai shoots him the deadliest glare he can manage.

“Yeah, I do,” Soobin answers, not catching onto the telepathic conversation taking place between the two youngest members. “You don’t even hold my hand sometimes.”

“Okay, okay,” Kai gives in, knocking his forehead lightly against Soobin’s. “I’ll shower you with more affection, you big baby.”

“And you’re sure there’s nothing going on between you two?” Yeonjun asks. Kai turns his head, looking over his shoulder, before shrugging lightly. “No idea what you’re talking about.”

“Ouch. You wound me, baby. My heart aches,” Soobin fakes a sniffle, removing a hand from Kai’s physique and placing it on his chest. Kai should seize this moment to clamber off of Soobin’s lap, but he finds himself leaning in, tweaking the soft skin of Soobin’s cheek. “Stop playing around,” he mumbles, mustering up the most convincing look of distaste he can manage.

“I’m not kidding,” Soobin argues stubbornly, leaning into Kai’s touch when the young boy soothes the reddening skin with his thumb. Kai wishes it were true, but from the mischievous glint he sees in Soobin’s dark irises, he knows it isn’t.

“Whatever you say, hyung.”

* * *

It’s funny until it isn’t anymore.

Kai can only take so much of Soobin’s lighthearted teasing, not because he’s sensitive—which he isn’t—but because it revolves around his unsaid feelings. He tries his best to pretend that his longing stares and subtle touches are a part of this running joke between them, but it becomes more and more obvious, day by day, that it isn’t; he’s scared Soobin will realize soon, if he hasn’t already.

“Gimme back my phone,” Kai sighs, holding his hand out after failing to swipe his phone out of Soobin’s grip. Soobin’s currently using the 2 centimeter advantage he has over Kai, and his abnormally lengthy arms, to hold the phone _just_ out of Kai’s reach. “Soobin,” Kai groans, realizing that the taller boy will not relent.

“Come get it, Hyuka,” Soobin says simply, wiggling his eyebrows and holding the phone high and proud. Kai contemplates the many ways he can go about this; he can jump up, he can tackle Soobin, he can kick Soobin in the shin—he decides to go with the second one. Without warning, he lunges forwards, shoving Soobin onto the mattress behind him and landing atop the startled boy with an ‘oof’.

Unfortunately, even in Soobin’s surprised daze, his grip on the device is strong.

“Ugh, you’re unbelievable,” Kai flops over in defeat, rolling away to put some space between them. “Pray tell me, oh Great One, _why_ are you holding my phone hostage again?”

“Because,” Soobin starts and throws his thigh over Kai’s legs, dragging the boy close once more. “You were ignoring me and that was mean.” Kai stares at him in disbelief. The _audacity_ of this—

“We were playing a video game! What do you _mean_ I was ignoring you? You died!” Kai points out, placing a hand on Soobin’s chest to prevent him from getting any closer. Liars did _not_ deserve cuddles, that was for sure.

“Give me a kiss and I’ll return your prized possession to you.” Soobin’s lips form a persistent pucker and Kai arches away immediately. Had it been anyone else, his initial reaction would be to gag, but since it’s _Soobin,_ of course Kai’s _gay_ impulse tells him to contemplate the suggestion.

Soobin would brush it off as a joke and Kai could simply say he never backs down from a challenge. Nobody else is around, so it would be between them. The odds are in Kai’s favor right now; this was the perfect opportunity to grab a hold of! But when Soobin stares at him like _that_ his mind blanks out.

Curling his fingers inwards, Kai balls his hands into fists and then exhales slowly. The pent up frustration he’s feeling is hard to ignore and it’s all Soobin’s fault because it makes absolutely _no_ sense how one person can be so _perfect._

“Alright, alright, I’m just kidding,” Soobin confirms, placing the phone by Kai’s head and then planting his hand square onto Kai’s stomach.

Kai should be used to this; they do this all the time and Kai was the one who made belly rubs a thing anyways. He really should learn how to keep his hands to himself, however, because now that Soobin was learning his habits—as he _always_ does—Kai’s the one suffering. The surfacing of his hidden feelings is instantaneous and Kai _literally trembles_ . He feels a sudden wave of nerves crash through him and Soobin kneading his fingers into the covered flesh of his abdomen isn’t helping his situation at _all._

So, he does what any reasonable nineteen year old boy would do.

He surges forwards and molds his lips against Soobin’s.

It’s brief and over with quicker than it had begun, but it happens. It’s his first kiss so of course he’s not _stellar_ at it, but that’s not what’s bugging him right now. What’s bugging him is that Soobin looks bewildered, as if trying to decipher what was reality and what wasn’t, and Kai panics. He’s fucked up, he’s fucked up _big_ time. Soobin’s going to shun him, going to hate him, going to—oh my god what if he _punches_ him? Kai’s not really that skilled in fighting and he’s got as much arm strength as a wobbly twig. He _could_ dodge… if Soobin wasn’t _pressed up_ against him—

“What was that for?” Soobin interjects. Kai gives what is his best attempt at a scoff, trying to play things off casually, but the execution is beyond poor. Curse the awkward genes that have been passed down his family for generations.

“You challenged me and I’m not a coward,” Kai lies, averting his gaze from Soobin’s. “So it’s a joke to you?” Soobin asks. Kai can’t read the tone of his voice, but if he risks looking at Soobin to find out, he might not be able to stop himself from kissing the older boy again.

He simply hums in affirmation and flutters his eyes shut, trying to calm the beating of his heart. “Well, if that’s the case,” Soobin trails off and Kai hears him shuffle around next to him. The bed squeaks in protest as Soobin stands up and Kai feels the mattress dip on either side of his head a few seconds later. Before Kai can open his eyes and inspect what _exactly_ is going on, he discerns a pair of lips enveloping his own.

Soobin’s left hand cascades down Kai’s side, hooking onto his hip, and his other arm remains pressed against the mattress, hoisting himself up so he doesn’t crush Kai underneath his weight. When Kai’s finally able to register what’s going on, a gasp evades him and Soobin parts from him shortly.

“Indulge me for a moment,” Soobin breathes, muffling Kai’s stuttered acceptance by lazily slotting their lips together again. Alarm bells go off in Kai’s head and red flags wave frantically, but Kai’s sense of reason is wearing down; each second that passes makes it all the more harder to resist the temptation that _is_ Soobin.

So he gives in.

“I’m not losing,” his words drown into the kiss and he weakly holds onto his facade—the blatant lie that this was all an elaborate joke.

Kai’s arms wind themselves around Soobin’s neck, dragging him down until their chests meet. Their lips work feverishly against one another, neither of them willing to back down, but then the hand Soobin has by Kai’s head starts venturing, fingers carding through brunette curls. He tugs once and Kai _falls apart._

_Cheater,_ Kai thinks before Soobin’s teeth sink into his lower lip and silence all his coherent thoughts. Kai’s lips part just a slight, letting out barely audible whines that he can’t suppress, and Soobin only delves in deeper. Too lost in the blissful haze, Kai can’t respond when Soobin pries past his lips with his tongue and maps out his warm cavern. There’s no spot left untouched; Soobin is persistent in claiming each inch he can manage to reach and Kai regrets it—regrets everything—because now he’ll never be able to forget this. Fighting the desire to kiss Soobin senseless would become so much harder now that he’s been given a glimpse into the heaven that Soobin’s lips bring.

“Wait,” Kai pleads, sliding his hands down to Soobin’s chest. He needs to breathe because Soobin has taken the air from his lungs, literally and metaphorically. Soobin is anything but merciful, wasting no time in attaching his lips to the unblemished expanse of Kai’s neck.

Thankfully, keys jingle by the entranceway and Taehyun’s voice is heard humming. Soobin mutters something under his breath spitefully while Kai rejoices at his savior, but Kai’s relief is stripped from him when Soobin continues, nipping intently at Kai’s nape.

“What are you doing?” Kai hisses, eyeing the knob of his bedroom door. Taehyun wouldn’t barge in for no reason, especially knowing that Soobin was over, but if he did, their current situation would be very hard for Kai to explain—not to mention humiliating and Taehyun would have blackmail content for years to come. 

“Nothing,” Soobin scoffs, pressing his tongue against the purple hue blossoming on Kai’s pale complexion. It’s low enough that the collar of Kai’s shirt will cover it, but high enough that Kai can’t risk moving his clothes in the slightest. “It’s just a joke.”

When Soobin finally rolls off of him, Kai reaches up to cover the bruised area with his palm, staring at Soobin in disbelief. The older boy simply shrugs and for a quick second, there’s a flicker of disappointment in Soobin’s eyes. 

However, Kai convinces himself that he imagined it when Soobin flashes him his well-known cheeky grin.

* * *

Secretive kisses become a regular thing. When they’re all hanging out, Soobin will pull Kai aside or hide their faces with a discreet motion of his hand, so that he can steal a quick kiss before anyone can notice. Sometimes, when they have more time to themselves, Kai finds himself pressed up against the closest surface while Soobin’s lips waste no time in marking up the column of his neck.

Kai’s sure that Taehyun has already figured out what’s going on. He’s seen Soobin leave Kai’s bedroom with tousled hair and swollen lips far too many times for it to be a coincidence; besides, Kai’s not necessarily the quietest when it comes to making out.

“Not a word,” Kai says to Taehyun after seeing Soobin out of the dorm and flopping next to his roommate on the couch in exhaustion. There’s an array of red and purple marks littered all over his neck and collarbone, some even making it to his shoulder blade, and he’s not sure how he’s going to cover this up when they all meet up for dinner in an hour.

It’s Beomgyu’s birthday and the last thing Kai wants is to have Beomgyu cause a scene in the restaurant because Kai had been keeping secrets from him. “It’s gonna happen,” Taehyun agrees, knowing how much of a drama queen their friend can be. “Why didn’t you tell him to lay off on the hickies?”

“I have,” Kai states, raising his hands up and digging the heels of his palms into his temples. “He doesn’t listen. He likes leaving them. He thinks it’s funny.”

“Ah, right,” Taehyun catches on. “The big ‘joke’, how could I forget.” He sounds unconvinced and unamused and Kai knows that Taehyun’s worried for his well being. “You just let him do this to you? How long before you realize this isn’t healthy, Kai?” Taehyun asks, turning to face Kai so that the distressed boy knows he’s being serious.

The severity of what him and Soobin have been doing has long since dawned on Kai; he just actively chooses to ignore it. They both know this, but it doesn’t stop Taehyun from trying to knock some rationale into him.

Kai doesn’t reply, only draping an arm over his eyes to relay the message that he’s tired. He hears Taehyun sigh and the sound of footsteps pacing around the common room. “Wear that white turtleneck of yours, it’ll cover the hickies,” Taehyun advises. “It’s not a fancy restaurant anyways. Besides, you look cute in it.”

Leave it to Taehyun to save Kai from impending doom. Kai could just _kiss_ Taehyun and his big, juicy brain sometimes. “Lifesaver!” Kai praises and then waddles off towards his room.

Kai hasn’t worn this particular sweater since the first day of school. Partially because he thinks he looks like a kid in it and partially because Soobin’s portrait of him—which is framed and hanging over Kai’s bedpost—wears it better than he ever will. However, he would much rather be teased for either of those than have Beomgyu’s beady eyes zero in on his neck.

He can already imagine Beomgyu tackling him onto the hard cement and locking him in a WWE styled chokehold until he explains himself. The thought alone makes Kai shudder.

It takes both of them less than half an hour to get ready, so they head over to Beomgyu’s early to kill some time. The eldest of the three, however, refuses to let them in because…

“Well, if it’s bad luck for a groom to see their bride in a wedding dress before the ceremony, it’s bad luck for you guys to see me in my birthday outfit before dinner!”

Thus, Kai and Taehyun end up waiting outside of Beomgyu’s dorm. People passing by give them a boggled glance or two, but neither of them can really do anything besides helplessly smile, nod, and wave. Taehyun scolds Yeonjun and Soobin through text when the two seniors claim that they’re running late. They’ve got a reservation, for crying out loud; at this point, they might just be better off calling it a day and ordering some McDonalds.

“Sorry, sorry,” Yeonjun wheezes when the two of them arrive at the scene. They’re both out of breath and their legs are wobbly, signaling that they had just raced across campus to make it on time. Taehyun _could_ be quite scary when provoked, so Kai understands.

“Yeonjun misplaced Beomgyu’s gift so we had to turn the whole dorm inside-out looking for it,” Soobin explains, straightening his posture tiredly. He’s wearing a low-cut black tee, paired with matching jeans, and there’s a silver cross dangling over the exposed skin.

Kai tugs at the collar of his turtleneck out of habit, trying to get some cool air to hit his skin, which was heating up rapidly. It’s not fair that Soobin gets to look so angelic and sinful at the same time. 

Not to mention that the only reason Soobin even gets to wear such nice clothing is because Kai has the courtesy not to taint him like he had done onto the smaller male.

Soobin looks tempting and the metal accessory only draws Kai’s attention to the inviting skin even more. If Soobin tries to sneak in their hidden acts tonight, Kai’s not sure how far he’ll go. His restraints are slipping.

“You guys look nice,” Yeonjun compliments sweetly, completely missing the tension between the tallest boys in their group.

The door swings open right then and Beomgyu is standing there with a shit-eating grin. “Thanks, I know.” He’s not wrong though. As much as Kai wants to deny it—because Beomgyu is narcissistic enough as is—the birthday boy _does_ look stunning. He’s got on a white shirt with the top two buttons undone and the sleeves rolled up to right below his elbow; his jeans hug his legs nicely and there’s a chain dangling stylishly by his hip; and finally, his hair is kept neatly underneath the black beret he’s donning.

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer,” Beomgyu says slyly, but it’s clear he’s enjoying the attention with the way he turns one way and another to show off all his angles. Kai can only manage a hum of acknowledgement because he’s at a loss for words—words that wouldn’t increase Beomgyu’s already inflated ego.

“Earth to Yeonjun,” Soobin tries snapping his fingers in front of the eldest, but the poor man has his eyes sealed on his dolled up boyfriend, unblinking. “Yep, we’ve lost him.”

“Give me—give _us_ a second,” Yeonjun says, shoving his gift bag into Soobin’s hands and then tugging Beomgyu back into the younger boy’s dorm. The rest of them stare at one another and then collectively sigh. “They’re not coming out anytime soon are they?” Taehyun asks hypothetically. They hear Beomgyu yelp from behind the closed door, followed by loud crashes.

“So,” Kai breaks the silence. “McDonalds?”

* * *

“I can’t believe they made us miss our reservation.” Taehyun is beyond grumpy, taking an aggressive bite out of his chicken sandwich. “I wanted pasta tonight.” Kai shoots him a sympathetic look. All their stomachs were probably full of the undercooked meat from the university’s cafeteria.

They’re currently camping out in Soobin’s dorm, loitering around the living room in peculiar positions. Taehyun is sprawled out on the floor, Kai has got half of his body dangling off the sofa, and Soobin is crushing the other half underneath him with no remorse. 

Beomgyu and Yeonjun should be on their way shortly so that they can all cut the cake together, but at this rate, they might all have to end up spending the night.

“Birthdays are,” Kai begins, slurring his words from drowsiness, “Overrated. What do you guys think?” Soobin’s breathing on his neck at this point and Kai shudders from the discomfort, slipping further and further off the couch. Taehyun scoots closer to him so that the youngest can rest his head on the his lap.

“I love birthdays,” Taehyun shrugs, wiping the ketchup caught on the corner of his lips with a brown paper napkin. “You get to exercise full control over everybody for a full 24 hours.”

“You already do that everyday,” Soobin counters, raising his head momentarily from Kai’s stomach to shoot Taehyun a glare. Taehyun grins boyishly, unaffected by the accusatory look. “I like birthdays too though.” With that, Soobin’s face plants itself right back where it had been before.

“It feels like every other day,” Kai extends an arm, eyeing his hand as if it were foreign to him. “I guess it’s nice, unless it’s your own,” Kai decides after some thought. He’d never been a big fan of celebrating his own birthday, always keeping it between him and his family members. Once, his sisters had thrown him a surprise party for his 13th birthday and Kai had spent the entire 3 hours (of pure torture) masking his pain with a tight smile so that he wouldn’t hurt their feelings.

“Why’s that?” Soobin asks, fingers hooking into Kai’s belt loops out of boredom. There’s a knock at the door, but none of them bother moving. Yeonjun has a key and if he forgot it, their spare was always resting perched atop the frame.

“I don’t like the attention,” Kai states and it’s as simple as that. Kai’s never been one to long for attention, in fact if _nobody_ paid attention to him, that would be the best possible scenario. That’s probably why he’s been bestfriends with Beomgyu for so long: Beomgyu catches everyone’s eye instead of him. 

Sure, Kai can seem outgoing since making friends comes naturally to him, but that doesn’t discredit the immense fear he has of crowds and eyes zeroing in on him. Besides, gaining attention means gaining popularity and with popularity comes a forsaken ‘reputation’ to uphold. Kai’s 19 years old. He’s got more important things to worry about than impressing people with his outfit of the day. Like, for example, the 187cm boy draped over him.

And also: why he _craves_ Soobin’s attention when normally, he could care less about what people thought of him. (Well, as little as a college student can. Realistically speaking.)

“Thanks,” Yeonjun’s sarcasm hits them full force, but nobody cares enough to even flinch. “We should be saying that to you two.” Taehyun’s tone is equally, if not _more_ annoyed.

Beomgyu runs a hand through his disheveled hair, trying to tame the strands poking out from under his beret. “Two grown men hogging the sofa,” he observes, eyeing Soobin and Kai with envy. “Amazing,” and with that, he sourly sits down on the carpet, yanking his boyfriend with him. “No throne for the birthday boy?”

“Maybe you could’ve had one at the restaurant, but I guess we’ll never know. Whose fault is that, I wonder,” Kai hums aloud, earning a high-five from Taehyun. “Brat,” Beomgyu grunts without hesitation.

“Seriously though,” Soobin pushes himself up, finally allowing Kai some room to breathe. “Couldn’t you guys control yourselves for another hour or so? I was looking forward to some chicken alfredo.”

“You’re one to talk,” Yeonjun rolls his eyes, motioning towards Soobin and Kai with the hand that isn’t holding onto Beomgyu’s. “Great demonstration of self-restraint you got going on there, Soobin.”

“Shut up, hag.” Soobin grabs a couch pillow and tosses it at the eldest student. “I’ll get the cake.” Crawling off the sofa, Soobin saunters into the kitchen with his arms outstretched above him. Kai silently watches as Soobin accidentally hits his wrist against the upper frame of the room’s divider. He had called it. Soobin was the _prime_ example of a klutz, after all; Kai finds it sickeningly cute.

Time passes by uncharacteristically slow as the four of them wait for Soobin to return. None of them say anything; none of them _want_ to say anything. It’s nice sitting in a comforting ambience with your friends every now and then, especially when your group is full of extraordinarily rowdy people.

Soobin returns with a vanilla ice cream cake. The candles are placed neatly and burning with fervor, making up for the sloppiness with which Yeonjun had written “Happy B-Day Beomie”. 

_“Let Soobin do it, hyung,” Taehyun urges, frowning at the way the first letter had turned out. It was crooked and didn’t resemble an ‘H’ at all._

_“I can do this! I’m good at everything. Icing is no biggie,” Yeonjun argues, wanting to be the one writing on the cake for his boyfriend. The other three could only stare pitifully._

“Happy birthday to you,” Taehyun begins singing, sitting up straight and then helping Kai back onto the sofa where the wavy-haired boy could readjust his position.

The rest of them join in one by one, Beomgyu included, as they wackily jam out to the birthday song. Yeonjun even gets up and freestyles to it, much to Kai’s dismay since he suffers from secondhand embarrassment the hardest.

Once they’ve finished, rhythmic clapping starts in the room followed by cheers and laughs. Kai smiles to himself upon seeing his best friend try his hardest to dodge the impish fingers aiming to smear icing on him.

Beomgyu looks cute, but of course Kai won’t be saying _that_ anytime soon, so he settles for, “You look like a kid.”

Beomgyu sticks his tongue out at him and Kai squints back just as playfully. He’ll never get tired of this, Kai thinks to himself. (Beomgyu blows him a kiss after and Kai rewinds for a second in disgust.)

“What did you wish for?” Yeonjun asks, plucking the candles out of the cake so that Beomgyu can start cutting slices for them.

“C’mon, Junnie. You know wishes won’t come true if you _say_ them,” Beomgyu replies as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. Taehyun makes an affronted noise when Beomgyu hands him a slice with none of the raspberry toppings, so Beomgyu ends up giving him all of them with a snort.

“You really believe in those things?” Soobin teases, raising his eyebrows. Beomgyu presses his tongue against his inner cheek, clearly irritated, before breaking out into a huge grin. “Well! If you _must_ know, Soobinnie, I wished for you to _grow some fucking balls_ and ask your crush out.”

The room falls dead silent and if Kai wasn’t busy trying to figure out who Beomgyu was referring to—who Soobin’s supposed _crush_ is—he would’ve laughed at the sheer panic surfacing on the lanky senior’s visage. Kai feels Taehyun carefully snake his hand over his, giving Kai something to grip onto because he _knows_ how Kai is going to react.

Kai’s blinking rapidly, making his feelings way too obvious as he stares motionlessly at the person he’s infatuated with. His lips are parted with the confession that never leaves him and his eyebrows are furrowed together, expressing all the concerns that’ll continue to haunt him.

He’s not sure how he didn’t notice. Maybe he had been too absorbed in the burning kisses that Soobin would dote him with to be aware of his surroundings. Maybe, in pretending that this was all some joke, Kai had deluded himself into undermining the severity of the situation he was in. Maybe he’d forgotten that at the end of the day, he was irrevocably in love with Soobin and Soobin possibly—well, now certainly—didn’t feel the same way. Taehyun had warned him, but Kai had fooled himself into thinking he was being careful when he wasn’t. Because if he was, it wouldn’t hurt him as much as he did now.

Kai wants to ask him. _Why?_ Why would Soobin keep him around so intimately if Kai wasn’t the one he wanted to be with? _Why did you kiss me?_

But he can’t.

Soobin hadn’t done anything wrong. There was no commitment in the nights they shared together. It was for fun, nothing more, and Kai should’ve known better than to forget that.

“I’ll do it,” Soobin announces with newfound determination, cutting through the thick silence that had basked the room. “I’ll ask him out.” Kai tears his gaze away from Soobin. He tries to signal to Taehyun that he wants to leave, his trembling fingers digging into Taehyun’s soft skin, but there’s no way they can exit the conversation right now without leading to speculations.

“Kai.”

Responding instinctively, Kai raises his head, taken aback when soft palms reach out to cup his cheeks. They touch him as if he’s fragile, seconds from collapsing, and perhaps he is. Regardless, he leans into the comfort they provide, even if he knows it’s not good for him because _Soobin_ is the one reaching out.

“Will you go out with me?”

Kai freezes, his grip on Taehyun’s hand tightening impulsively. The fellow freshmen hisses in discomfort, but makes no effort in untangling their fingers because he’s aware Kai needs him. Like he’s said before, Kai is _really_ lucky to have met Taehyun.

The room falls dead silent, waiting for Kai’s response, and Kai hates the fact that all eyes are on them. Soobin’s lips curl upwards and it’s the look he has in his eyes that help Kai formulate a coherent sentence.

“Stop playing, hyung,” Kai coughs out a pained chuckle and tries to move away, looking down at the ground as he does so. Soobin’s hands have yet to move from his face. “I’m not playing,” Soobin defends, craning his neck so that he can get into Kai’s line of sight again, but Kai doesn’t buy it. One again, Soobin is _always_ joking around with him like this; he’s always joking around with _everyone_ like this.

“Right,” Kai says to please him, letting go of Taehyun so he can curl his fingers around Soobin’s wrists and try to move the older’s hands away. Soobin refuses to let go, leaning in until their foreheads touch. “I’m serious.”

“We’re not even each other’s types,” Kai lies through gritted teeth. He doesn’t understand why Soobin’s being so _persistent_ about this. After weeks of kissing in the shadows, he suddenly wants to “confess” out in the open? Kai’s foolish, but he’s not _that_ foolish. 

Soobin brushes their noses together, “What? That’s not true. You’re my type. You’ve hit all the points on the checklist and then added some too.” Kai feels a pang in his chest; that lie hit too close to home. 

Soobin is the embodiment of perfection for Kai. Truth be told, he’s unsure if his ideal type was always this way or if Soobin had reshaped what he wanted, what he _needed,_ until it all became _him._

“You’re my type too,” Kai admits, but not without feigning a coo at the end so it’s all still light-hearted. Indirectly confessing might not be Kai’s smartest move, but at this point he’s desperate to get over his feelings; and so long as Soobin isn’t reeling back in horror, Kai hangs on to the little hope he has that Soobin either hasn’t found out yet or has and doesn’t think he’s disgusting. “But it wouldn’t work out.”

Before Soobin can retort, Kai pulls himself away and stands up, tugging Taehyun with him. “Well! It was a good night, guys. Tyun and I have plans in the morning so we’ll head back now.” 

“At this hour? It’s late. Why don’t you guys spend the night and leave from here?” Yeonjun suggests, once he seems to have recovered from the shock that the recent events brought him. “Yeah,” Beomgyu agrees quietly, but he’s not looking at them. Kai traces his gaze to Soobin, who’s still hunched over on the sofa.

“No, we should get going,” Taehyun answers when he realizes that Kai’s out of it. Kai let’s his roommate lead him out of the stuffy dorm and doesn’t bother looking back.

Soobin says something in the last few seconds they’re within earshot, but Kai is too caught up in his own thoughts to decipher it.

* * *

“You want my honest opinion?” Taehyun asks, scooping out another portion of their bingsu and plopping it into his mouth. Kai nods, twirling his spoon in the dessert, but not having the appetite to actually eat.

“I think you’re kinda dumb,” Taehyun has no remorse, even going so far as to flick Kai lightly on the forehead. If Kai wasn’t busy reciting Taylor Swift break up songs in his head, he would’ve—no doubt—flicked Taehyun back.

Instead, he groans and sinks further into his seat, inches from sliding all the way off. “He seemed sincere,” Taehyun affirms after some thought and Kai grumpily readjusts himself. There’s not much going on at the shop they’re in so if he falls off the chair, people are _definitely_ going to be looking at him.

“It was too sudden,” Kai argues, glaring at his reflection on the polished table. “Plus, it’s not like he’s actively sought me out and _yearned_ for me, you know? There’s no… solid proof.”

“Doesn’t this man literally stay up until ungodly hours to talk to you?”

“I bet it’s a prank he’s a jokey kind of guy,” Kai continues, waving the air dismissively with his hand. He makes the unwise decision of choosing the one attached to his spoon and accidentally sends lychee flying across the room. “Crap,” he cringes, realizing it’s landed on the newspaper someone’s holding up.

Wait.

“Tyun,” Kai calls out, reverting his attention to the snack momentarily. “Hm?” Taehyun hums, a little _too_ involved in eating whatever Kai doesn’t.

“Act casual, but—is it just me or is that person’s newspaper upside down,” Kai asks, coughing as he nudges his head to point Taehyun’s gaze in the right direction.

“Oh, you’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” Taehyun places his spoon down, pressing his hands onto the surface of the table and pushing his seat back. The floor noisily creaks in protest. “Kai, you said you thought Soobin was pranking you right?”

Kai nods, confused as to where this was going and flustered by the attention Taehyun was drawing to them. Did Taehyun not hear Kai’s single rule?

He watches as Taehyun approaches the person they were talking about and Kai jumps out of his seat in surprise. “Taehyun you are _so_ not acting casual right now.” The hushed whisper seems to fail making its way to Taehyun’s ears because—to Kai’s horror—Taehyun reaches out and rips the newspaper out of the man’s hands.

“Taehyun, what the _hell_ are y—Soobin?”

Then, his eyes travel to the two people sitting across from the perpetrator who are quietly trying to evade the scene.

“Beomgyu? Yeonjun? What the fuck?” 

“Hey,” Yeonjun supplies weakly, waving his hand in the air as if he hasn’t been caught red-handed. Beomgyu noticeably shrinks into Yeonjun’s side, trying to avoid the judgemental looks from the younger boys.

“Were you guys eavesdropping?” Taehyun interrogates, flipping Soobin’s bucket hat off his head. Kai watches the clumsy male struggle to catch it before it falls onto the floor and bites back a smile. He’s supposed to be _angry_ right now, god _damn_ it, Choi Soobin.

“We can explain,” Yeonjun naturally takes the role of the spokesman. Not because he’s leader-like, but because he’s good at bullshitting things. “We… came here to study and saw you guys! It was a coincidence, really, but it looked so… suspicious—and we didn’t want to _seem_ like we were spying so we… hid.”

“You should stick to looking pretty and dancing, hyung.” Taehyun is _just_ as good at debunking bullshit.

“Kai,” Soobin’s hand reaches out to slip into Kai’s, lithe fingers intertwining as they’ve done so many times in the past. “Can we talk?”

Kai looks at Taehyun for permission. With the way Taehyun is asserting himself on the scene right now, it seems _necessary_ to do that. He didn’t want to get on Taehyun’s bad side either, even if Taehyun tolerated him more than the others. “Go ahead, I’ll deal with them,” Taehyun rolls up his sleeves.

Soobin lights up like an excited puppy and Taehyun scoffs. “That doesn’t mean I won’t take care of _you_ afterwards.”

Kai leads Soobin outdoors before the soon-to-be victim can pose a counter offer, deeming it better to talk in the sparsely populated street than a quiet cafe with nosy people. They stand around awkwardly for a second, unsure who should speak first, until Kai gestures—with the hand that isn’t still holding onto Soobin—for the latter to begin.

“Look, I know you think I’m kidding,” Soobin laughs, earning a frown from Kai. Sure, it sounds nervous, but it’s _still_ a laugh nonetheless and therefore does _not_ add to Soobin’s credibility.

“Can you please just drop this?” Kai pleads, heaving out a sigh. He didn’t want to display how upset he was to Soobin, but if Soobin didn’t stop now, Kai was sure the boy (of his dreams) would unknowingly break him apart. “These sorts of things aren’t very funny to me, hyung. I know you don’t mean any harm, but please, just let this one go.”

“I’m not joking,” Soobin denies, taking a step closer. Kai takes one backwards, still refusing to believe the words coming out of Soobin’s mouth. “I’m serious, Kai. I would never do that to you.”

“I know I didn’t approach this the smartest way,” Soobin confesses, his free hand slowly inching upwards until it hovers over Kai’s hip, unsure. When he sees that Kai isn’t running the other way, he curls it over the prominent bone and runs his thumb over dip in Kai’s waist. “I was just scared of rejection so I didn’t want it to feel too serious, you know? So that we could still be friends afterwards if things didn’t work out.”

This—this doesn’t make _any_ sense. Kai eyes Soobin warily, scanning the vacant vicinity around them just to double check if anyone was recording them. This _has_ to be a prank—so why did Soobin sound so genuine?

“We can just forget about this.” It’s Soobin’s turn to look down and Kai is caught off guard by how accurately he’s portraying vulnerability. When did Soobin take up _acting?_ “We can pretend it never happened, I just needed to get it out.”

It takes a second for Kai to process what’s _really_ going on—and that second seems to kill Soobin inside because the scared boy is now trembling. Kai can feel every quiver from their interlocked hands.

_Huh?_

“Are you being for real?” Kai’s voice cracks from shock. “If you’re joking, Choi Soobin, I’ll never speak to you again.”

“You still think I’m kidding?” Soobin talks at a volume that has Kai straining to hear him, but it’s reasonable considering Kai had berated him for practically an entire day.

“Well, you can’t just expect me to—”

And then Kai’s defense lies forgotten on his tongue because Soobin narrows the space between them until their breaths mingle. “Kai.” The boy in question blinks in response, cheeks tinted baby pink. “I’m going to kiss you now,” Soobin announces, pulling the petite boy even closer using the leverage his hand placement gives him.

“Let me?” Soobin sounds a bit desperate. Well, who _wouldn’t_ be after having their heartfelt confession denied for hours upon hours until _finally_ having it accepted.

Kai lets go of Soobin’s hand in favor of looping both arms around the latter’s neck and then minimizes the remaining distance.

It’s a lot softer than they’re used to. There are unsaid words being conveyed through the gentle caresses their lips bestow onto one another; feelings veiled with fear now blossom with rising courage. 

Kai’s nimble digits reach to thread into silky lilac strands, teeth grazing over Soobin’s lower lip before promptly sinking in. Soobin _knows_ him, though—knows him like nobody else does, not even Beomgyu (though the competitive boy would disagree). So, as much as Kai wants to get the upper hand this time around, Soobin is one step ahead of him, knowing just what to do to make Kai putty in his hold.

Soobin’s hands sneak underneath Kai’s oversized hoodie, leaving fleeting touches on the soft skin and delivering meaningful squeezes. Kai’s skin burns with contrast to Soobin’s cold touch and a light breeze crawls up and spreads across his stomach. Had his torso been permeable, the wind would’ve sent his butterflies into a heavier spiral, swarming with unmatched energy.

Kai feels Soobin smile against his lips, displaying that he’s well aware of the effect he reigns on the flustered male. With the intent to retort, Kai pulls back a bit, but Soobin surges right back in, this time using the tip of his tongue to prod at Kai’s lips that are parted from surprise. Kai lets him have his way though; he always does and probably always will.

In the heat of the moment, they forget that they’re still _very_ _much_ in public and the watchful eyes of their curious friends (two with matching bumps on their foreheads and one with a popping vein) are fixated on them.

It’s not until Beomgyu shrieks, “I can’t take it anymore! That’s my _baby!_ Choi Soobin, count your days because they are numbered!” that they crashland back into reality.

Yeonjun slaps a palm over his frantic boyfriend’s mouth, but Beomgyu yanks it off. “No, I will _not_ be silenced!”

Kai groans in embarrassment, head dropping forwards as he seeks coverage in Soobin’s shoulder. He can hear Taehyun scolding Beomgyu in the background and he can feel the vibrations when Soobin laughs happily.

“I heard I took your first kiss, by the way,” Soobin whispers, swaying them from side to side. Kai feels a peck being placed onto his crown and he nods once. “Sorry about that, you should’ve told me.” Soobin runs a hand up and down Kai’s back, conveying a belated apology. Kai simply shakes his head, “It’s okay. It was my decision, anyways.”

“Still,” Soobin urges and lightly pinches Kai’s side. “It should’ve been special.”

Kai turns his head, watching Taehyun reel Beomgyu closer by fisting the older boy’s sweater. Yeonjun waves his hands, attempting to defuse the situation, but Kai can tell that he’s silently rooting for Taehyun, despite the tanned boy’s lethal intentions towards his boyfriend.

“It was special,” Kai says, glancing up at Soobin. Their lips meet again for a chaste kiss—one that’s curt and boyish like the first that they shared. “It was with you.”

“Can’t believe you have the audacity to say that when you had bingsu without me.”

“Shut _up,_ Soobin.”

* * *

“Hey, remember when I was confessing the longing aches of my heart and you were convinced I was lying—prosecuting me like I convicted murder,” Soobin brings up, five months later, when it’s the eve of Kai’s birthday. Kai’s too busy setting up their pillow fort to humor Soobin, which leads to the taller boy tackling him into the ground.

“Soobin!” Rather than be angry over the fact that he was just _pounced_ on, Kai points at the progress he’s completed so far. “I’m almost done and you’re breaking my flow!”

“Sorry, your highness,” Soobin rolls his eyes with the apology, showing no signs of budging from where he currently resides, toppled over the smaller boy. “Give me a kiss first.”

“No,” Kai refuses, lower lip jutting into a pout. Soobin gasps loudly, now completely collapsing on Kai who grunts at the impact. “I’m dying,” Soobin croaks, fluttering his eyes shut and playing dead. “I’m gone. I’ve passed away.”

“Oh my god, get _up!_ You are _so_ lame,” Kai pushes at the limp body, but to no avail. Soobin continues to lay sprawled over him, going so far as to hold his breath. “Fine!” Kai concedes, tossing his arms in the air. “Drama king.”

If Soobin wasn’t the love of his life, Kai was sure he’d be plotting a very elaborate murder plan in his head right now. (And maybe he still is, but it’s a lot sappier than it would’ve been—running along the lines of kissing the dork to death.)

“Booyah,” Soobin cheers, pushing his upper torso off of Kai. The small victory has Soobin’s eyes gleaming with excitement and Kai silently compares him to a golden retriever. “Weirdo,” Kai insults, but with no bite. “Your weirdo,” Soobin corrects and Kai cringes—lovingly, of course. He watches Soobin wiggle his eyebrows, proud of his ‘smooth’ comeback and pretends to throw up which earns him an offended huff.

Nevertheless, he presses his lips onto Soobin’s awaiting pair. It’s meant to be sweet and short, only to be used as an escape ticket, but of _course_ Soobin has more tricks up his sleeve. The moment Kai thinks he can pull away and return to his _very_ important construction work, Soobin pins him against the floor and reclaims his lips.

Kai ends up with tangles in his hair, swollen lips, and a permanent frown etched onto his forehead. Don’t get him wrong, he _loves_ kissing Soobin, but Soobin’s (sometimes) sinfully skilled mouth had caused him to thrash against his own will and send his fort crumbling down.

So he had to start from scratch and that was beyond vexing.

Next to him, Soobin stifles a laugh. Kai whips his head around to glare at his boyfriend, clearly not pleased, and Soobin tries his best to keep a poker face. Kai releases a whine, slapping his palms over his face to express his dismay.

Right _now_ is when Soobin should be kissing the living daylights out of Kai, when the pouty boy _actually_ needs a distraction, but the aforementioned _devil incarnate_ is too busy wiping away his tear-stained cheeks. His howling laughter only irks Kai at this point and so, with utmost wisdom, Kai makes a decision.

The decision is to toss his leg over Soobin’s hip, roll onto the wheezing male, and start illustrating a constellation of bruises on the pale skin of his boyfriend’s neck.

Soobin’s breathing grows labored, one hand resting on the small of Kai’s back and the other latching onto brunette locks. Kai basks in the quiet grunts that Soobin can’t contain. _Boy_ did it feel good to gain control sometimes.

“Okay, okay, enough,” Soobin surrenders, trying to usher Kai off of him, but Kai clings on stubbornly. “I said _enough,_ brat,” Soobin lightly tugs Kai’s hair to get his point across and snorts when his pliant boyfriend whimpers and halts his mischievous ministrations.

“You think I’m annoying,” Kai accuses, nosing Soobin’s now colorful nape, before yawning and going slack in the older’s embrace.

“I think you’re perfect.” Soobin doesn’t miss a beat and that leaves Kai shyly smacking Soobin on the arm. “Not true,” Kai argues, ready to present a solid case with a premade list of his own flaws.

“You’re perfect to me.” Soobin cranes his neck, tipping his chin down to stare at Kai with _that_ look in his eyes. The one that reminds Kai how lucky he is to have someone who views him as if he’s heaven’s lost deity.

Kai pushes himself up, face hovering inches above Soobin’s. He’s about to say in kisses what he can’t in words, when Soobin smiles so fondly that Kai tenses up. He feels vulnerable, _so_ fucking vulnerable, because _god_ does he love Soobin and knowing that Soobin loves him too is amazing, but it’s also _scary._ He’s spent his entire life keeping himself guarded, only for it to all come crashing down at the hands of the boy in front of him.

“You’re perfect _for_ me,” Soobin exhales and then he’s the one connecting their lips. Kai loses himself into the kiss; he loses his worries, his fears, everything that could possibly induce upset feelings. Soobin brings him the sun, the moon, and the stars to ensure his happiness, but Kai is certain that he’d be just as joyous simply being around him.

So, yeah. Maybe, all those months ago, Beomgyu was right.

University _is_ kinda fun.

**Author's Note:**

> wahhh this long fic is finally DONE can you guys imagine..  
> it is SO sporadic and poorly put together but i hope you guys enjoy reading it!  
> i don't know,, i usually plan things out before i write them, but this one i just.. went with the flow!? i wrote things down as they came to me.
> 
> it's DEFINITELY not as good as i hoped it would be and rereading it was such a pain that i skimmed through it so i'm Sure there are typos. please ignore them,, i will most likely Not be finding them later because if i read this again i WILL end up deleting it. DKLFJSLDKJF.
> 
> anyways, enjoy! :D  
> it's my birthday today so i wanted to post something as a tribute to myself. u w u  
> (it's ending in two minutes BYE i postponed this so hard because i was all BLEGGHHH about it and still am ;; grr)
> 
> update: just realized i run on est and ao3 does NOT. i am: a clown.
> 
> find me on [ twt! ](https://twitter.com/kaifiIes)


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